Insanity
by smol smol sunny
Summary: "To be born with a dream, and to have to watch that dream crumble to nothing but dust can drive one to insanity. I used to have dreams; ones that I could achieve but my brothers could not. But since arriving here, I've been reduced to a shadow amongst other things."
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there, various people on the internet who have bothered to click on this story! I'm Huntress of Shattered Souls, but you might know me from my previous account of Fading Black Roses (which has since been hacked and therefore I am posting this story on this account :3). This story right here is Insanity, a fanfiction I had wrote under FBR, but now am writing under this! If you remember this story from a really long time ago, hii! I've come back to you!**

**If you're just reading this for the first time, then hii to you too! I'm just a gal writing this story for ya :) Don't mind me. **

**I've got the first 21 or so chapters already written from when I was FBR, but after that I've got nothing. So I hope you won't be that harsh as all of these chapters I haven't edited because I felt they were good without editing. If you have a concern of some sort regarding this, PM me! :3**

**Let's get on with this - enough of my rambling!**

**~Huntress; may the darkness be with you... {oo}**

* * *

Chapter 1:

A Time to Remember

_ I remember Johnny and Dally's deaths like they were yesterday. _

_ Actually, they were several months ago. I remember the look on Johnny's face when he had told me to stay gold as he was dying in the hospital, the pained look in his eyes as he was submitted to leaving the gang forever. I remember the happy but pained look in Dally's eyes as he lay on the cold and night-black pavement the night he was shot down, just minutes after Johnny had died. _

_ Dally had longed to die that night, and we all knew it. We all knew that he wanted to be with Johnny, and to die was his way of letting go on life. As much as I hate to admit it, Johnny wouldn't have wanted Dally's life to end as tragic as it had, but unfortunately Dally had chosen that as his way to be with the one thing he loved. We all loved Johnny like a little brother, but no one's love for the shy and quiet boy we once knew was as strong as Dally's had been. At least, that's what I thought._

* * *

I set down the notebook that I had been writing in and stared at the dark night sky from out of my window, wondering if Johnny and Dally were looking down upon me now. I didn't want to keep acting like they were alive, even though it hurt inside to tell myself they were gone forever and not coming back. Everyone else in the gang had moved on, but why couldn't I?

That was one question I couldn't answer for myself.

I had been put in this whack job place after I had tried overdosing on the aspirin pills I took quite a lot after Johnny and Dally's deaths. It seemed like I always had a headache once the nightmares had begun to occur, and I'd wake up screaming either Johnny or Dally's names while covered in sweat and trembling of fear. I had lost my reputation, and I had forced to drop out of school due to my flunking grades. Soda had come to visit me every once in a while, but Darry never came with him.

Darry hasn't given a shit about me since the night I overdosed.

The night I had overdosed I was the only one in the house, Darry had gone somewhere and Soda was working until midnight. It was the perfect timing, because no one could hear me as I choked down one pill. It started with one, but quickly grew into small handful after small handful. I had begun to hallucinate, and when I heard the front door slam and heard Soda's usual greeting of, "Anybody home?" I knew there was only a matter of time before he found me here, in the corner of the room we shared, choking down pill after pill while sobbing.

The door to our room opened and Soda appeared, and he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my shaking body, the two empty bottles of aspirin that lay on the floor and the hurt and relief in my eyes. I could barely hear Soda as he shouted my name, and he was a blur as he bolted to my side, took the small handful of pills out of my shaking hand easily, and slapped my face a couple times to keep me awake. My brother's eyes were filled with fear for me, and the last thing I had remembered was Darry coming through our bedroom door, casting a glance with Soda, then walking out of the room calmly as if I hadn't mattered to him.

I haven't heard from or seen Darry since that night.

And for some odd reason, I'm glad.

"Pony?" I turned around in the chair I had been sitting in for the last 20 minutes to find Soda standing there in his pajamas, which consisted of a plain white T-shirt and old jeans that used to be Darry's.

"What are you doin' here, Soda? It's the middle of night, for cryin' out loud…" I shot a side glance in his direction, and watched as my older brother and the one who truly cared about me walk over and wrap me into his arms.

"I know, Pony. I just can't take it at the house sometimes," I knew what he meant. He meant Darry was giving him a hard time, and Soda felt as though it was his fault. He had told me this a thousand times over, and no matter how many times he'd say everything was fine at home, I knew my brother well enough to see it wasn't by the look in his eyes.

Soda broke away and looked me in the eye. "Darry still blames himself, you know… About walking out that night…" He trailed off and I could see tears brimming in his eyes that used to hide all of his emotions, but since the night I was taken here he hadn't been able to hold them all in as strong as he used too.

I stared at my notebook that was on the small table. I picked out one sentence: _I remember Johnny and Dally's deaths like they were yesterday. _"I killed Johnny and Dally that night… And now I'm killing Darry inside too…" I whispered loud enough for Soda to hear, panic seizing my body at once.

Soda turned my face so I was looking at him. "No, Pony, you didn't. You didn't kill Johnny or Dallas-"

"But I did, Soda. I killed them, and now Darry's dying inside because of me…" In one quick movement I had gotten out of the chair I had been sitting in a second before and leaned against the wall of my small cubical, Soda still on his knees. My mind was throwing accusations at me, and I felt myself shaking in fear of my own mind. "I killed them, Soda! I killed them!" I shouted and slammed my fist against the wall repeatedly, hot tears running down my face.

Soda's hands gripped my shoulders and whirled me around so I was facing him. My brother looked me in eye once again and briskly said, "Ponyboy, you didn't kill them…"

I allowed my Soda to embrace me then, sobs of torture seeming to rack my body. I didn't feel well; like something had suddenly infected me and I was about to be sick. But even so I remained in Soda's arms, letting him soothe my demons within my head for at least a small while up until the point where I fell asleep.

* * *

**Yeah, kinda boring I know... But hopefully this story got better from Chapter 2 onward XD. If it didn't...my apologies! I will try to make this story interesting - and if I have to rewrite the entire plotline and 20 chapters after this, I will. I want you guys to enjoy reading this, and I'll do whatever I must in order to make it that way. :D**

**~Huntress; may the darkness be with you... {oo}**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, the documents I have for this story are on my other computer at my dads, so I'm unable to obtain them until Tuesday. In the meantime I've whipped up this little Chapter 2 for you, even if it isn't the original; at least the title is the same! **

**I hope you enjoy!**

_I want to thank my best friend, The Seventh Sage, for helping me with this chapter; if it hadn't been for you, this chapter wouldn't be out right now and I would still be putting this off. :) Thank you, Seventh! I love you!_

**~Huntress**

* * *

Chapter 2:

Same Old, Same Old...

I awoke on my bed, the covers tucked gently around me in a comforting, loving way. The way I had woken was not so comforting or loving; nightmares had plagued me again, sending cold sweat down my back. Terrible dreams of shrieking death claiming those I loved, leaving me alone forever in the darkness.

I slowly removed myself from the hard mattress, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders as armor against the cold. It was early, too damn early for a sane person to be awake. The sky was still dark as I peered out the window; all those people going about their lives, happy lives in which they prospered. I was locked away and could not experience such a life.

Not yet, anyway.

In the distance, the moon shone bright against the coal-black sky. While it wasn't dawn, it wasn't exactly dead of the night, either. To be truthful, I didn't care about dawn or dusk; they were both the same assortment of day and night under the same exact sky. Without thinking, I pressed my warm hand against the chilling cold of the window before me. The water that appeared around my fingers was enough to completely throw me back into a life I didn't want; one full of tears, one full of heartache.

"So you're awake."

The voice of my brother startled me, making me leap away from the window. I turned to find Soda standing in the doorway to the bathroom, his dark eyes contrasting with the bright light behind him.

"Uh, yeah..." I offered him a weak smile, one to show that I was okay. "I guess I am."

"That's good," Soda replied tiredly. He had probably gone home for a bit and had gotten back, if his eyes were any indication.

I shrugged, unable to get words to form on my tongue.

I had a feeling Darry was giving him a rough time, whether on purpose or not.

Taking my silence as his cue, Soda walked in and sat down on my bed. He looked tired- physically, mentally, and emotionally. He'd lost his drive and his cheerfulness; his movie-star looks had faded with his energy at the moment.

"You look exhausted," was all I could manage to say, looking him over.

The star-bright look was back in his eyes; out of force nowadays instead of by genuine feeling. "I'm not that tired," he responded, a small yawn intermixing with the words.

"You can sleep if you need it," I said, gesturing towards the now open bed with a jerk of my head. "You know I'll give you the peace and quiet. I can go and -"

"It's fine, Pone." Soda waved off my offer rather quickly. "I can get the shuteye later."

"But-"

"I'll be fine, I promise." Sodapop said seriously. "It's no biggie."

"Right," I lied. "So, how has it been? How're Two-Bit and Steve?" They hadn't visited in awhile. Before Soda could respond, there was a knock on the door. I got up, opened it, and inwardly groaned as my main caretaker, Allison, entered the room with a tray of food and my medication. She had to wait to make sure I took it, so I did before she turned and left wordlessly; she didn't like me, I think, but the feeling was mutual.

Soda sighed as Allison left with a swish of black hair. "They're doing alright, I guess. Pretty busy."

"Do you know when I'm getting out?" I asked, and Soda flinched. Never a good sign.

"They say at least a few months," he finally said. His voice was quiet, as if saying the sentence too loud would shatter everything in sight.

"Oh," I muttered, disappointed.

"I know," Soda muttered, looking at his feet.

We stayed like that for awhile, soaking up the serene sadness of the moment. "Why won't Darry come?" I asked, and Soda put his head down again.

"I really don't know, Pone. He's stressed, I guess. Grumpy and tired."

"You're stressed and tired too," I pointed out.

"That's different," Soda dismissed it. "I have to get out, otherwise..." he trailed off.

"What?" I asked roughly. "Otherwise what, Soda?"

My brother said nothing, only rose to his feet and made his way towards the door. "Nothing, Ponyboy," he said after a moment. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest, fear being passed through my body at how Soda wasn't looking at me but at the ground. "It's nothing you need to worry about." With a quick thrust of his hand and a bright light seeping through where the door had opened, he left without a goodbye.

The next few seconds were a blur, but somehow I managed to come back to reality with Soda's wrist in my hand and my eyes boring into his. "Tell me," I pleaded, tugging on his wrist in an attempt to get him back into the safety of my room; back behind that closed and always locked door. "Tell me, Soda... _please._"

"I can't," Soda replied briskly, not meeting my gaze. "You don't need to know anything yet, Pony - not in the state you're in."

"I'm not in any state. I'm better - you and I both know that!"

Soda sighed, reaching up with his free hand to rub at his temples. "You're better than what you were, yes," he agreed after a moment. "But you're still..."

_Insane._

_Mentally sick._

_A hellian. _

"...out of sorts."

I couldn't help but splutter a laugh at that. "Out of sorts," I echoed, scoffing as I did so. I let go of Soda's wrist and watched it drop back to his side, forcing myself not to punch the wall - or better yet, my own brother.

"Pone," Soda's voice was dark with warning; he must have sensed I was becoming angry.

"Don't say a word," the words came out like a growl. "Don't say a damn word."

"I didn't mean it like that -"

"Shut up," I hissed. "Shut up, you bastard." I was completely aware of everyone around me, acting as if they were busy with something while watching me for my next move. If I did anything to Soda now, I would be bound up and injected with morphine to numb the anger and make me feel at peace.

I was suddenly wrapped in my brother's arms with him whispering in my ear, "I'm sorry, Pony... But you're just not ready to know..."

"Get off," I snarled, trying to shove him away with my hands. It took me a moment to realize that I was cornered, caught between Soda's chest and the wall at my back; I was trapped.

Fucking hell.

"Get the hell off!" I screamed as if Soda had hurt me, and at once nurses and doctors were at work in an attempt to get Soda off of me. Once they had him pried away and they realized I was still crying out, someone - I don't recall who - was down to my level on the ground, injecting medicine into my arm.

I allowed my eyes to roll back and my head to drop onto my shoulder as the drug - whatever it was - sank into my blood and coursed through my body. I sighed in relief and perhaps a high state, my world feeling fuzzy at the edges.

"Pony..." I could hear my brother; he sound so close to me yet so far away. I pried my eyes open, watching the concern and sadness waver in his eyes before my own shut closed, my brain stopped working and the world ceased to exist.

* * *

**So, yeah! That's the next chapter; I should be up to writing these next few in the coming days. Spring Break is this week for me, so I have a bit of time to write except for Tuesday, Wednesday and the weekend; my dad is making me drive a friend's car while they're away in Colorado. ;-;**

**See you!**

**~Huntress**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is the next chapter! **

**~Huntress**

**XxXxXxXx**

Chapter 3:

Nightmares and Dreams

_It started with a second. Then two..._

I was running - fast.

_Three..._

I have to get away. I had to get away from them; from anything and everything; from the memories. I have to get these drugs away - they're the one thing I have to save.

_Four..._

They're gaining on me - I'm not moving fast enough. I push myself harder, though I am already out of breath.

_Five..._

Turning a corner; nearly slipping and falling on my ass. But I keep running.

_Six..._

Hearing them shrill at me to stop - to knock off the games, the shenanigans, the crimes. I can go back home where my brothers are, safe and warm, caught in a tranquil peaceful sleep-like state.

Unaware of where the hell I am.

_Seven..._

Faster; faster; faster... my heart is pounding in my chest and my lungs burn, yet I still keep at it.

_Eight..._

A dead end. Nowhere to run or hide - I'm cornered between two police officers and a brick wall.

_Nine..._

One draws out a gun. The other looks at me with pity in his eyes, warning me of what would happen if I take another step; the officer with the gun's hand is shaking - he's nervous - doesn't want to shoot me.

But he will if it comes to that.

I raise my foot in the air, holding it in front of me; they stagger like pumas preparing to strike, then realizing that the prey is just hanging out, sensing it's there. I know what they want - I'll give it to them so the satisfaction burns in their hearts; but guilt will wither them down until they're nothing but hollow.

I set my foot down.

A blast, followed by a whimper. Pain shooting through my chest; blood, hot and thick, seeping from the hole where the bullet met my flesh. It's enough to throw me off guard, but not enough to bring me to the ground. I feel my knees giving out under the weight of my body, and I fall just as they wanted, my face slamming against the pavement that's beneath my feet; it's cold and warm - a mixture of frost and my own blood.

The drugs - heroin and cocaine, along with a knife to rip the bags open - drop to the ground. I can't find the words to plead my innocence and say the drugs aren't mine - they're a friends; I was just helping him out.

Finally, my world goes dark.

_Ten..._

**xxx**

There was a scar now; a medium-sized one with gauze taped in front of it while the stiches healed. Still, it was enough to make the memories come back.

Soda stood off to my right, a sick look on his face; he hated when I did this - when I stared at the wound that I had caused myself to receive, when I stared at the wound that almost cost me my life alongside being put in federal prison...

When he and I stared at the scar we both knew could have been prevented if I hadn't been such an ass.

"You've gotta go to therapy, Pony," Soda suddenly said, and I looked at him pleadingly from the glass. I allowed my shirt to hide the scar from sight as I turned to face him, opening my mouth to beg not to go, but Soda held up a hand for silence. "You're going," he said firmly, and I knew better than to mess with him when his voice grew timid and sharp like that. "Even if I have to drag you there."

Seeing the seriousness in his eyes, I threw my hands up in surrender, muttering, "Okay, okay... I'm going." before walking towards the door, throwing it open and exiting my room. I walked down the pure white hall to the group session therapy room I had been assigned and slipped inside, feeling my brother's eyes on me the entire way.

**XXX**

I looked up at the clock in the corner of the room. _9:00 A.M.; _our counselor was an hour late.

I watched, amused, as a kid around eleven shoved a yellow towel into one of the secuirty guards' face; the guard shook it off, telling the kid that his towel didn't have supernatural powers that could make anyone fly. The kid threw up his hands and screamed at him, telling him that he was going to hell simply for the fact that his towel didn't like him and his disbelief; he trudged back to his seat next to me, stroking the towel in a loving way and cooing to it as a mother would her child.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Clutcher.

No one knew his actual name other than that damned towel, I guess, so we just called him The Clutcher for the way he holds onto the fucking shred of cloth like it's his lifeline.

The Clutcher, in all his insanity, was probably the reason I went to therapy every week; to get my mind off of my own self and focused on someone else whom had worse - or the same - issues as I did. The kid was a schizophrenic after watching his parents commit suicide from leaping out a window when he was only nine; he had grabbed the nearest thing to him and held onto it tightly. From what I had gathered from his life story, the kid's mother had told him in a dream that the towel he had grabbed was his memory of her and his father.

It was some pretty deep and freaky-ass shit, but the kid was in good hands now; something that I had gotten before I was admitted here...

"Do you want to smell him? He smells really nice... I washed him this morning."

I jumped, biting my tongue to keep from screaming as Clutcher appeared before me, holding out his towel to me. His eyes were dialated to look like his pupils took up his entire socket amd he wore a childish smile on his face. Feeling just the slightest bit creeped out yet not wanting him to raise hell on my soul, I leaned forward and inhaled once the towel was about three inches from my face...

I immediately leaned back once the reek of the thing touched my nose. I shoved the kid away from me, to which Clutcher started to kick and scream at me; I felt him kick my shin, step on my foot and about make me go deaf before the guards' hauled him away. I sat back in the blue chair I was sitting in, wheezing and telling myself that had _not _just happened to me.

The door swung open at around _9:15_; we all turned to it, smirking sadistically as our old and frail counselor, Delma, appeared. She was in her mid forty's, had a buzz cut for hair, and looked like an ogre; the lady was a bitch at times, but often brought snacks for us to munch on while the whole life-lessons and sharing-your-feeling sessions went on. I hated her for the most part, but I think she liked me; she always went to me first when it came to sharing of life-lessons and shit, after all.

"I am _so _sorry I'm late," I tried not to cringe at her voice; she sounded like a cat high on drugs or being run over about thirty times by a semi truck. "My car battery died and I had to get it jumped in order to make it here!" She set down her bags and turned to us, sitting down in her green beanbag chair and eyeing us all warmly. "Did you all discuss good things that happened to you this week?"

We all shook our heads no; there was no use in lying to her. She always found out, someway or another.

Delma frowned at us for a moment before getting back to her cheerful mood. "Well, let's begin with that!" She started going around the room, instructing us to say one good thing we had experienced for the week. Of course, I only had one good thing that always happened to me - Soda visiting while Darry avoided me like I was nothing.

It didn't take us long to get through happy things, as there were only about twenty kids in the session. Before I realized it, we were already on the final part of the session and it was _10:00__. _

"Ponyboy?" Delma's voice brought me back to the present and I looked at her, confused. She smiled at me, her eyes sympathetic; I always dozed off during some part of the session and didn't come back until the final part: where we shared our feelings and how we were dealing with being here. "Do you want to share your feelings with the group?"

I felt panic rising in my throat at how twenty pairs of eyes were on me. Slowly, I rose from my seat and looked at each one of them, stopping once I got to eyes that I recognized all too well.

A sharp and dark green; the exact shade of mystery and secrets as Darry's. While they weren't attached to Darry's body, I could still see the resemblance between them; I was suddenly talking, pouring my feelings out and staring into that stranger's eyes.

"I'm...okay. I'm not good but I'm not bad, either. I'm just trying to make it through here; trying to make it through the life I live, I guess. I've been here about only a month and I already have seen my brother, Soda, more times than I can count; but my other brother, Darry..."

Anger started rising as I spoke Darry's name; and then I was throwing up words, sentences and phrases that conveyed my pain and my overall hate in the best way possible.

"He doesn't come and visit me; we haven't spoken since the night I overdosed on asprin. I haven't seen his face, touched him, kissed him in all about a month; and it hurts like _hell. _I miss him so fucking much and I... I just can't deal with it anymore."

My voice was rising; I found myself screaming at the stranger with Darry's eyes.

"You're not here for me! I need you and you're not here! You're avoiding me like I'm some tiwsted and caged animal and you've got no idea how much it hurts me! I see Soda and how down he looks and I know you're doing something to him! You're keeping him confined in that goddamn house, away from me! I need him as much as I need you - but you're not _fucking here to be with me_! What did I do to you, Darry? Why the _fucking hell _won't you come and see me?"

I knew everyone was looking at me in shock; but I didn't care. I knew that I was crying up a storm; but I didn't care.

"I didn't overdose on pills to deal with Johnny and Dally's deaths as much as you think... I overdosed half on that and the other half on _you _before Soda took it away from me. I was so close - so fucking close to dying and for you to walk out of that room with not even a concerned flash in your eyes was enough to break me. You broke me, Darry - you _fucking broke me._"

I stormed out of the therapy room, tears running down my face. Guards immediately started to go after me, but I heard Delma command them to let me go.

I knocked furiously on my door three times before Soda opened it. I threw myself into my brother's arms, watching as he backed away from the door, shut it and then embraced me. I felt like a little kid again, crying to Soda when I scraped my knee when I was five; but in that moment I didn't care. I just remained in Soad's arms, crying and swaying as I tried to get myself together.

We stayed like that for a good solid two minutes before Soda pulled away and looked at me. His warm hand was suddenly against my face, brushing away tears. "What happened in there, Pone?" he asked. I could see the concern in his eyes; it was bright and not at all misleading.

"T - There was a guy in there..." I choked on my words, not wanting to continue; but even so, I forced them to come out. "a - and he had Darry's eyes... I don't know what happened, Soda... I - I just _broke._"

"Pony..." Soda breathed my name quietly, pulling me to him and rubbing my back as I cried even harder. "Shh, it's okay, Pone... You're okay..."

_No I'm not... _I thought as I trembled against him. _I'm a monster..._

_A monster..._

_A monster..._

_A nothing._

**xXxXxXx**

**So that's the chapter! I hope you enjoyed and please review :) I'm grateful for all the reviews I've been getting - they keep me motivated! Thank you!**

**~Huntress**


	4. Chapter 4

**Let's just go right into this!**

**~Huntress**

**XxXxXxX**

Chapter 4:

Shot Glasses and Stars

_To be born with a dream, and to watch that very dream crumble to dust, can drive one to insanity. _

_I used to have a dream - one that I could easily achieve while my brothers could not. I could've been something great - someone that people remembered..._

_But since arriving in this hell, I've been reduced to a shadow amongst other things. _

**xXxXxXx**

"You're staying longer than expected, Pone."

I looked up at my brother from the fogged bathroom mirror. Soda stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed in sorrow. At his side stood Darry, who was immensely pissed at him for dragging his ass over to visit me for the first time since I had been placed here.

"Why?" Though I knew the answer, I still felt the need to ask. I had gotten into a fight with some asshats in the West Wing who thought they could push me around; I gave them what they deserved, though I was pretty close to ending up in a jail cell while they were in the hospital getting their shit fixed up.

"Because of that fight a few days ago," Soda responded. "Givin' 'em each a swift kick in the ass I can understand, Pone... But breaking one guy's nose and nearly bending the others' arms back to the point where they were going to snap in two? Christ, Ponyboy... That was too far."

"It ain't like they actually broke," I muttered as I wiped away water on the mirror; it blurred the reflection of my two brothers so bad to where I had to turn and face them. "I was showing them not to mess with me."

Soda said nothing, only nodded and nudged Darry in the ribs. My oldest brother glared at him for a moment before turning and walking out of my vision; the creak of the old wooden chair at the edge of the room was enough to tell me that Darry had sat down without a word.

"Pone," Soda pressed, "You know there's a fine line between asserting yourself and beating people up, right?"

I nodded; while it was simply an act of defense for me, to Soda the whole situation was a large roughhousing act. "They shouldn't have pushed me," I stated sharply, narrowing my gaze upon my older brother. Feeling a sudden power over him, I backed it up by saying, "Neither should you."

I saw fear flash in Soda's eyes; it was a dull, sudden flash, but it had been there. It was fear for my future; for my well being; for my life.

Soda was terrified of the person I was becoming; cold and heartless, and while I definitely didn't see it then, I sure as hell do now.

I watched as Soda back out of the doorway and vanished from my view. I knew he was going to talk to Darry, and by the fierce muttering of both of my brothers my prediction was right. I couldn't make out their words; only their tones and the volume in which they exchanged words. I managed to catch a hiss from Darry before he stood up and headed out without so much as a word to me.

Soda - clearly defeated - smiled weakly, gave half a wave and followed him out the door.

**xXxXxXx**

He returned just as the sun was setting. I heard him before I saw him; I had my back to the door in which he came in, my eyes trained on the wonderous colors that were painted ever-so-delicately across the sky.

We didn't say anything to one another; in truth, there was nothing to be said. It was only when the silence was as loud as it could possibly get when he spoke.

"I'm sorry... I tried."

"I know you did," was all I could manage as I turned to look at him.

I noticed that Soda's eye was swollen and darkened, and he limped slightly. He looked old, though not a hair on his head was gray. Exhaustion, misery, and hopelessness came off him in waves as he sat in the chair Darry had sat in earlier.

"What happened?" I asked, hurrying to him.

"Aw, this? This is nothing." Soda attempted a grin.

"It's not nothing," I stated, coming to stand at his side. I raised my hand and touched his skin lightly, to which Soda flinched and drew back, taking a sharp breath. "Shit, I'm sorry..."

Soda shook his head, shrugging. "It ain't a big deal, Pone," he said, allowing me to examine him again. "It's just a black eye."

"No shit Sherlock," I muttered sarcastically. Soda chuckled under his breath, shaking his head in a humorist manner. Getting back on track, I asked, "But in all seriousness, Soda, who did this?" He looked down and bit his lip. "Not... Darry?" I asked, and he nodded his head.

"Darry's drinking. It's the alcohol that's doin' this. Not him." Soda muttered, and I felt an anger rising in my chest.

"Fucking Christ," I cursed, turning away from him and starting to pace. "Soda, that's crap. You can't let him..." I ran my hand through my hair, thinking. "For how long?"

"Since that night." Soda answered, and my heart sank. "It's okay, Pone. We're all worried. I'm pretty sure Christ was a virgin, too." Soda tried to joke, but I sent him a look.

"Can't you call the police or something?"

"And what? Have Darry hauled off to jail?" Soda replied bitterly.

"What else can you-"

"I can put up with it for his sake." Soda answered firmly. We stayed like that for awhile- me pacing, him sitting, unspoken misery communicated between us. A serene, sad hour that seemed to be days.

He stood. "Goodbye, Ponyboy."

My door was abruptly slammed open and Darry stepped in, flames in his eyes fueled by the liquor on his breath. "Soda!" he barked.

Soda managed to keep calm. "Yeah?"

"Get home. Now!" Darry's words were slurring slightly, irritating me all the more.

"He's not a dog!" I protested. "Quit-"

_Smack._

As he backed away, I lifted a hand to my flaming red cheek.

"No one asked you!" Darry yelled, and Soda intervened.

"I'll come home. We'll go." he coaxed Darry out, and Allison walked in and handed me my pills, as though two of the only important people in my life weren't walking out the door.

**XxXxXxX**

_Today, I was asked by a young boy what the saddest word in the English language was. _

_I replied with, "Almost."_

_After a moment of thinking, the boy asked, "Why is that the saddest word?"_

_I smirked at him, hung my head for a moment as I collected my thoughts. I raised my eyes to his and poured what knowledge I knew about the word. "Because I was almost okay... I was almost normal... I almost made it."  
_

_As the kid ran back to his game with some of the other kids, I couldn't help but think about what I had told him... It's only now, under the darkened light of the moon that I realize the true meaning behind it all. _

_Perhaps it's the times where almost is part of it where our loves, our passions...our entire existence just falls to nothing... All because we were almost good enough._

**xXxXxXx**

I dropped my pen from writing and looked up at the sky. The moon shone brightly against the dark sky, and for a moment I pondered why such a beauty existed at such a time of day where no one was around to witness it...

...and as I watched the stars glimmer behind the moon, I imagined that the gods themselves were drinking the purity and glory that was the hot balls of fire through shot glasses only they could see.

**XxXxXxX**

**And that is the chapter! I should have this next one out pretty quick. Thanks to The Seventh Sage and Guest for reviewing! **

**~Huntress**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is Chapter Five! I've already got most of Chapter Six written due to completely missing this one, so it should be out by tomorrow morning or early afternoon. Chapter Seven should soon follow. **

**Enjoy this original chapter from the first Insanity!**

**~Huntress**

**xXxXxXx**

Chapter 5:

Rolling Tides

I awoke to a loud BOOM coming across the sky, while rain beat down on the roof of the Tulsa Mental Institution. I sighed and rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling, my eyesight blurry from sleep. I heard a loud snore come from somewhere to my right, and I turned to find Soda on the floor of my cubical with a pillow smashed against his face, oblivious to what was going on outside.

I climbed out of bed, shivering because Soda also had the blanket wrapped around his legs, and maneuvered my way around my brother, trying not to wake him up. I tip-toed over to my table where my notebook still sat from where I had it the night before, quietly sat in the chair next to it, and stared at the empty space that was in my notebook. I picked up the pen I had and traced the writing I had on the page over and over, trying to block out the voices that were returning to my mind.

_You're useless. _

_ You're a no body. _

_ No wonder Darry walked out on you. He doesn't even care about you. _

I could barely take the pain and hurt that the voices were telling me. It finally became too much, and I grabbed the pen I used to trace the words in my notebook and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me quietly so no one would suspect anything. Sitting on the floor, I began to dig the pen deep into my upper arm so deep that blood began to flow from the puncture wounds. I felt numb, and I was glad for that. By now, the entire bathroom reeked with the smell of blood and I felt calmer as I continued.

I had begun to cry, my body racking with painful and uncontrollable sobs as I stopped digging the pen into both my arms, which were blood-stained. I must not have locked the door, because it swung open and Soda appeared, his mouth open and eyes wide in shock. He yelled my name, but it seemed as though he were very far away as he crossed over to me in a couple steps, bent down to my level and easily took the pen from my shaking and weak hands. My vision became foggy, and tears continued to stream down my face as Soda called for someone to help, anyone to save me from my madness.

I continue to cut my arms, the white tile floor stained with my blood and making a pool of it around me as I laugh at my brother's terrified expression. I crawled to the corner of the bathroom, shuffling away from Soda, trying to disappear into the wall behind me. My brother looked at me worriedly, and I could tell he was on the edge of calling Darry and having him come and help. I didn't want Darry here. I knew that if he came he'd blame himself for this as well as walking out the night I overdosed.

_Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.  
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.  
Don't go.  
Don't go._

I dug the knife deeper into my wrist, trying to block out the song lyrics that were blowing around in my mind like a tornado. I wanted to die. I needed to die. I needed to be free of this life. I needed to be free of myself, of my brothers, of my mind, of everything. Just one more cut… And then I'll be free. Free from all this pain and suffering that has been inside me all these years. Gone in just one cut…

_Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.  
I can't live with myself, so stay with me tonight.  
Don't go, I can't do this on my own.  
Don't go.  
Save me from the ones that haunt me in the night.  
I can't __live__ with myself, so stay with me tonight.  
Don't go._

That one song. That's all I hear. I don't hear my brother as he calls Darry and tells him to hurry his butt up and get here, not answering Darry's flurry of questions, just telling him that something's wrong. I can only hear those lyrics.

"What's wrong with him?" I can barely make out Soda's frantic words. The song is consuming me in a mount of lyrics, and I can't hold on much longer. I'm slipping away from life, glad to be. Tears are streaming down my face as I raise my bloody hand to slash my face, feeling even number than I did before as I slashed my forehead, my cheeks, my chin. Every part of my face, cut and bleeding so much you can see the bone. My tears turn from clear to a dark red as blood and water mix, making me look like I cry blood.

_When your dreams all fail  
And the ones we hail  
Are the worst of all  
And the blood's run stale_

_I want to hide the truth_  
_I want to shelter you_  
_But with the beast inside_  
_There's nowhere we can hide._

A new song starts, both of them channeling together, making a song that sounds terrible but soothing at the same time.

_When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide_

Those lyrics. They all come together, forming a mix of words that buzz through my mind blankly. I can barely see anything, my eyes beginning to close, my vision turning black.

_It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide…_

It's all I remember. Those two lines, that's all. Nothing more. The rest is just a memory, silently joining the others in the dark recesses of my mind…

**XxXxXxX**

**I do not own, or claim to own, Demons by Imagine Dragons. **

**Excuse the past to sudden present tense there; I suddenly felt the need to write in present tense in order to get the feel across deeper than intended. **

**Until the next chapter! **

**~Huntress**


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter is a little bit longer; but a long chapter never hurt anyone, right? **

REVIEW REPLIES

**_The Seventh Sage - I couldn't do any of this without you, you know. Collabing/writing these chapters with you are such a fun time and I'm forever grateful that you let me use your creative and witty mind for such long hours of the day; I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I cannot wait to write Chapter Seven with you. :)_**

**_Pony'sgirlfriend - 'Ello! Awe, thank you - I enjoyed writing the 'almost' bit and I love Demons as well. I love your PenName, by the way, though I'm more of a Soda type of gal ;). Thank you for reading and I hope I continue to entertain you as the story goes on! _**

**_The Curtis Crew - Unfortunately, I think you're about to hate Dar even more in this chapter. But don't worry, he'll be back to his lovable self soon - and by soon, I mean around the end of the book where he is featured again aha. XD Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to do so!_**

**_I also want to apologize to you about the last chapter; I didn't expect such a reaction and I'm deeply sorry that made you feel that way._**

**Well, let's get on with it, shall we? **

**~Huntress **

**XxXxXxX**

Chapter 6:

Blood is Thicker than Water

I paced well into the night, pondering that which I had witnessed and meditating upon what I should to about it. I deduced quickly that nothing could be done from this hell; even the simplest logic could lead to that conclusion.

In other words, I had to get out.

I was worried sick for Sodapop; only Christ knew what he could be going through right now, and I was desperate to see him.

"Allison," I asked, "can I go get some water?"

Allison turned on me with dark eyes, exhausted for once. "Doesn't the sink work?"

"Yeah, but it tastes like sh-... It don't taste pleasant." I answered honestly.

"Fine," she turned back to filling out her papers. "Be quick about it."

"Alright," I headed out with my cup. As I passed the stairs I stopped and looked back. It seemed the Clutcher was having a violent rage or something, because noone was around. I raced down the stairs, leaving my cup behind and making it to the lobby without encountering anyone.

I approached the empty desk. I was alone, but certainly not for long. That in mind, I looked for keys, found none, and picked up a hairpin.

Hairpins have one use to a greaser like myself; and that's as a 'get-outta-here-free' card.

I snapped it in half as I approached the door, throwing the other half behind me as though it hadn't mattered a day in its existence. _Probably a good thing I picked up a thing or two about lock-picking from Soda back when Darry had left his keys in the car_, I thought as I pressed my ear up against the door, listening for a click.

I managed to get it open and myself out just in time, I think, because alarms sounded as my foot touched the sidewalk; footsteps quickly followed the sound of the alarm. I heard them slowly die off, though, the farther and faster I ran; soon I was near my street, bending down near a bus stop for air.

I approached the house, and almost knocked on the front door when I heard a crash and cussing, followed by a harsh gasp.

In one quick moment I was inside the house with the door thrust open beside me, asking "What the hell is -"

I stopped cold as I stepped fully inside, finally seeing what the noise had been. I didn't bother to notice the broken beer bottles, the broken table, or even the shattered lampshade.

All I saw was blood; all I saw was him.

Soda lay in the middle of the living room, blood around him and slithering down his body in tendrils. There were gashes everywhere; on his head, arms, ankles...any place skin was showing had some sort of mark only made by a man's hand. His eyes were closed, fluttering slowly as if he were trying to find the strength to open them.

I was completely unaware of any other life forms being in the same area until an image - blurred by my tears of hurt and anger - appeared in my vision.

"How the hell did you get out?" The image then started to turn and walk away, suddenly realizing what it had done. Fueled by my anger, I bolted forward and grabbed Darry's shirt collar, and I shoved Darry away from Soda so that he was far out of the range to where he could hurt our brother.

"You ass..." I growled lowly, feeling my hands clench into fists. "You fucking ass!"

"Pony!" Soda managed, starting to move slightly. "Stop it, Pone... You're only gonna make it worse."

I shook my head, glaring at Darry; he still hadn't looked at me once. With a sudden strength I didn't know I had possessed, I practically threw Darry against the wall before him and bent his head back so he was looking me straight in the eye. "Look at me, you bastard," I spat. "Look at me!"

In one sudden movement, Darry had retaliated by roughly swiping my feet from under me. I fell to the ground, winded, and that of which only made Darry more powerful over me. I was suddenly on my feet with my arm twisted behind my back, just as I had done to those two guys a few days ago.

"Dar!" Soda cried, his eyes widening as he struggled to his feet. "Let him go!"

"Shut up!" Darry snarled. Soda, feeling unbearable pain overwhelm him, sank back onto the ground and bit his lip in order to not cry out.

"What the hell did you do to him?" I hissed, staring at Soda's shaking body. I knew he had to get medical treatment quickly, and being stuck in the situation I was there wasn't any way I would reach the phone. With a grunt I slammed my heel into Darry's shin, felt him loosen his grip on my arm and leaped out of his reach, running for the kitchen.

I just about dialed nine one one when the phone was pried from my hands and Darry's voice was behind me.

"You call, you end up in the same state. Got it?"

I struggled away and tugged at the phone. "Why the hell," I snarled, "would you do this?"

"Fuck off, Ponyboy!" he yelled, pushing me away and keeping the phone. "Hello, officer..." he spoke in light tones to the phone. "I need help..."

Understanding that he was turning the cops on me, I turned on my heel and bolted from the kitchen and entered the battered living room. Trying to get some ground between Darry and I was the best option at the moment, and I knew the only way to do that was to leap over Soda's body and remain there. In one bound, I had separated myself from my oldest brother by using the other as the barrier.

It was only when a sharp groan ascended from the floor that I tore my eyes away from the other side of the room. Looking down, I noticed that Soda was slowly dragging himself towards the wall; rushing forward, I grabbed his bloodied arm and tugged him the rest of the way, kneeling down to his level when he shrugged off my grip.

"Pone..." he started, but I shut him up by leaning into him, pressing my forehead against his shoulder.

"Don't try to talk," I muttered. "You're already weak; talking will just make you drain faster."

He sighed roughly, knowing I was right. The sheer sound of his ragged breathing was enough to tell me that he had something wrong internally too - punctured lung or something, I assumed. I could tell he was dragging his eyes across his body, because after a few moments of the two of us being quiet, listening to Darry talk and conjure up something with the police, he said:

"Damn... I'm shit-faced."

_The comical bastard_, I thought.

The light ding of the phone going back onto the reciever was enough to make me run for it; despite the urge, however, I remained at Soda's side, just waiting for Darry to appear and wipe me out.

I was prepared for his hand grabbing my shirt and hauling me away from Soda, and while anger boiled within me I made no move to retaliate; there wasn't a need - not yet.

In all the mess I had lost track of time; suddenly, I was between the wall and Darry's body with no way of escape. And it was then, in that one moment between life or death, that I saw it; I saw what I needed - what would get me out of this mess.

A black handle that appeared to belong to a swichblade.

Dodging one of Darry's blows, I quickly slipped underneath his legs and bolted for it on the nightstand just beside the tipped over recliner. I snatched it just as Darry had turned to face me, cursing all the while. His eyes were angry, filled with malice and hate; for a dull moment, I thought he was going to kill me.

Feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline, I flicked my wrist and allowed the blade to glimmer in the moonlight.

Darry let out a growl-like sound and started to advance toward Soda, knowing that he was my weak spot to surrendering. I slammed my fist against the wall, getting both of my brothers' attention; I held the blade against my neck, the cold metal pressing against my hot skin nearly bringing me to my knees.

I sent Soda a look; one that I knew would get across to him yet not to Darry.

_You die, I die too. _

I then focused on Darry; he had stopped mid-step in his advancement towards Soda with his hand outstretched, his eyes narrowed. His eyes were watchful, keen on the blade; a sudden blaze of fear bloomed to life in them.

I smiled inwardly; I had Darry right where I wanted him.

"You touch him," I hissed, wincing as I dug the blade a little deeper into my neck, "and I go."

**XxXxXxXx**

***smiles innocently* Don't kill me for leaving it on this note? That'd be nice... Heh. **

**Don't worry - Chapter Seven should be out between tomorrow or Monday; I'm at my dads this weekend and he's making me drive a friend's car, so... I'm probably going to be busy with that. **

**Anyways, see you! ~**

**Huntress**


	7. Chapter 7

**My deepest apologies for not updating in, what, six months? I've no other excuse except the typical 'high-school-is-kicking-me-in-the-arse-and-so-I-have-no-time-to-write' bit. My freshman year came out very nice in the end, and with my sophomore year underway for about two months now, things seem decent. They say junior year is the most stressful of your high school career; I think it's sophomore year, but that's probably because my classes are mostly harder in the academic sense. I have to work harder now to keep good grades but if I can do well in the end, it's worth it. **

**Anyway, I'm sorry for not updating and I hope this little tiny update makes you happy! **

* * *

Chapter 7:

Jumping the Gun – Literally

An intense silence fell over the room in that moment. Only the sounds of Soda's sharp intakes of breath and Darry's foot being placed back on the ground echoed in the empty halls. My heart pounded and thrashed in my chest, wanting to rip a hole through my body and escape; the thumping was so loud I was certain Darry could hear it from where he stood.

"Back away, Darry." The words came as a growl from my throat, scaring me. That didn't sound like me at all – it was as if a demon had lodged itself inside of my windpipe and was speaking for me. "Back away from him!"

With each word, I felt the blade dig a little more into my skin. I forced myself not to wince or show pain, knowing that if I did, Darry would surely have Soda in his arms before I could even slit my throat.

"Pone...stop."

My eyes flashed down to where Soda lay on the ground; he had now turned onto his side and was curled in a ball, looking at me through wide eyes. I felt my heart twist and coil with remorse and shame, but I steeled myself from letting those emotions leak into my eyes and be seen by Darry.

For a long time, neither of us spoke. We just remained there, looking at one another in silence. I didn't need Soda to talk; his eyes conveyed all of the worry, fear, anger and pain he was in.

Another silence; then, three words were spoken. Three words that seemed to alter the entire world into chaos.

"Enough of this."

They came from Darry; I didn't need to look at him to know that he was advancing towards Soda, and when I bothered to raise my eyes to his, I knew a plan had already been fueled there. His eyes were wild, cold with rage and wishing I would fall to my death right here and now.

But fear was there. A small, minuscule dash of fear was mixed within that rage, barely noticeable. I smiled and laughed manically, getting his attention once more; Soda was now standing up with the help of Darry's hand at his throat, his feet dangling in the air as he was pinned to the wall.

"You're afraid..." I murmured, the blade ripping into my neck and making a small but deep dash on the edge. It immediately began to bleed, and I felt a rush of air with each breath I took.

The fear grew; just a little more, but it grew. Darry's mouth was open in gape, Soda writhing against his grip and kicking at all the wall in the hope of getting free. My oldest brother suddenly smirked, flashing his teeth at me as he said, "No, Ponyboy... I'm not afraid."

"I can see it in your eyes, Darry," I countered, narrowing my gaze on his. "It may not be clear to you, but it to me... You're scared of what I'll do, Darry... You're scared that I'll rip my throat open using this blade... You're afraid, Darry; I know you are."

Another spark of fear; a harsh gulp of air; finally, words spewed from Darry's mouth in an endless array of anger. "I'm not afraid of you, Ponyboy. I could never be afraid of you or anything you do." Another smile; this time, flashed towards Soda as a slur of laughs escaped his lungs. A cold glimmer of murder flickered in his eyes as he turned back to me, the smile still on his face. "If anything, _you're_ afraid of _me_."

In a split second, Soda was thrown from one end of the room to the other, a loud crash sounding from where his body landed hard on the ground.

A flick of my wrist, a rush of air, and the world seemed to die to nothing but the slow pace of my heartbeat. I heard a distant cry as I collapsed, though I couldn't make out who it was. The world slowed; came to an abrupt halt as Soda's blurred image appeared before me, his eyes wide in terror. I could see his lips moving, his hands frantically pressing against my neck in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"You're gonna be okay, Pone…" Over and over, those five words were spewing out of Soda's mouth as he tried to figure out a way to not let me perish. Tears were suddenly spilling out of his eyes, his murmurs of courage turning to cries and screams of anguish and hopelessness. "I can't lose you… not after we've already lost so much…"

Sirens were vaguely humming in my ears as I looked back behind Soda towards Darry. I saw Soda's face tense and crease until he finally whipped around and screamed at our oldest brother; Darry took it in stride, his features not changing from the stone-cold mask he always wore around me. The familiar blue and red lights of the police flashed and flickered in the window, to which Darry whipped his head in the direction of before taking off in the other side of the room.

I felt Soda tense against me, knowing that he wanted to go after Darry but deciding against it. He turned his eyes back on mine as the door was kicked in, coming off its hinges and giving us the slightest bit of hope at recovery.

* * *

**Phew, that's finished! I hope that's a decent length and action for you; I'm starting to write this next chapter now, but there's no clue when it will be up.**

**Until next time!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Welcome back to Insanity, if you're even still around!**

**Well, after listening to One Direction's new album, I'm in the mood for some heartfelt-stuffs. I hope you don't mind :D**

* * *

Chapter 8:

Fly

When I woke, I noticed two things.

First: the room I was in needed one hell of a decor change. White paint was sleek on the walls, chipping at the bottom and making the room smell like an old locker room. There were two large chairs pulled away from their dust-heap outlines, an old clock that was clearly broken hanging limply on the wall, and an atmosphere I didn't like.

Second, the fact that something was wrapped around my neck, making me panic. I thrashed and clawed at my neck, trying to get whatever this thing was off of me as fast as I could. The moment I started, though, I was stopped by two hands trying to pry my hands away.

"Easy, Pone, easy!" came a voice; it was light and gentle, but firm all the same. "Ponyboy, you've gotta calm down; let go. You're okay, I promise...but you've gotta let go."

Reluctantly, I allowed the voice to set my hands at my sides again, and as it pulled away I realized who it was. Steve and Two-Bit were seated on either side of me, grins blooming like flowers on their faces when they noticed I was conscious. Two-Bit reached out and slapped my hand lightly with his, a small laugh of relief leaving him with it.

"Thank God you're okay, kid," he murmured, looking me over with a flash of sadness in his eyes. Steve murmured the same slur of words, nodding to me in the most nonchalant way.

I opened my mouth to speak, to which Steve jumped to his feet and shook his head. "You can't talk, Pony...you hear?" he said, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking me dead in the eye. "That neck brace is there for your protection; we don't need you doin' that type of shit again." He went scrounging around the room after that, trying to find something for me to communicate on. When he found a notepad and had grabbed the pen on my nightstand, he handed it to me quickly before sitting back down again.

I scrawled out two words on the yellow page; words that I knew Steve and Two-Bit would tell me whether they liked it or not.

**_Where's Soda?_**

Upon taking my message into his hands, I watched as Steve's face fell. He shared a look with Two-Bit, both of their eyes downcast and lips a thin line. For a moment, I had no clue what sort of things were whirling around in either of their minds, until Two-Bit opened up about everything and anything that had played out.

"He's here," he said, wiping his bangs out of his eyes only to have them fall back into them again, "actually just down the hall." He took a moment to sigh, rub at his eyes and share another look with Steve before he took off again, sensing my anxiety. "He ain't good, Pone; but don't worry –"

"What happened," Steve interrupted, shooting Two-Bit a glare as if to say _you're an idiot_, "was this: You two were taken from the house, obviously, late last night. You blacked out way before Soda did, but you kinda had a huge-ass gash in your throat, so... Soda threw in the towel not long after you, though, leavin' both of you passed out in the ambulance and fightin' for your lives. When you got here, people took both of you back to patch up those little pretty faces of yours, and now here we are: you're awake, but Soda's not."

I sat there, watching as tears started to well in both of their eyes. Steve, being the 'I'm-a-man-and-I-don't-show-emotion' person that he was, quickly dismissed them by wiping furiously at his face, only to make more tears fall until they were rushing down his cheeks like a waterfall. Two-Bit just as easily started to crack until he, too, was crying a river. "There's nothing we can do but sit and wait," Steve murmured, his voice suddenly dropping about two octaves so that it was low and grim. "Sit and wait for him to either wake up, or for that goddamn lifeline to go straight."

* * *

It took me a week and three days to convince everyone – my doctor, mainly, but also Steve and Two-Bit – that I was stable enough to get out of the neck brace and go to see Soda. He still hadn't woken up yet, but was close to it; at least, that was what Two-Bit and Steve relayed to me when they would come back after checking on him.

"You're not going to try something like this again, are you?" Steve asked as the doctor begun to unstrap and uncoil all sorts of velcro and pinned strips off the brace. I shook my head, to which Steve raised an eyebrow and said, "_Are you, Ponyboy?"_

"No, Steve," I said exasperatedly, sighing from both relief and annoyance as the last velcro strip on the brace was tugged off, allowing my neck to not be smothered by padding any longer. "I won't."

Steve nodded in approval, though his eyes betrayed the emotion. I saw a wide expanse of fear in his dark eyes, as if he didn't want to relive this moment; I knew it was for Soda and not for my own benefit, but the fear still brought a warmth to my heart.

"Well," said Two-Bit from where he stood against the wall right by the door. "We gonna go see him or ain't we?"

I nodded enthusiastically, hopping off the bed and catching myself as the world started to spin. _Damn you, vertigo... _I thought as Steve placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

"You good?" he questioned, not bothering to give me a moment to answer before he was sharing a look with Two-Bit. "Maybe we shouldn't go, Pone."

"No," I answered abruptly, shaking his hand away. I straightened and held my head high, forcing back the nausea that rose in the pit of my stomach. "I'm fine. Let's just go before you two have any other excuses to not let me see my goddamn brother."

Holding their hands in surrender, the pair of them led me out into the blank white hallway. It was filled with the same white-dressed people, the same tang of medicine in the air, and the same dreary atmosphere that only made me want to get out of here faster. I wasn't leaving without Soda; nothing would stop me from getting him out of here as quick as possible.

We paused just outside his door when Steve began to freak the hell out. He started to hyperventilate, his eyes wide and tears beginning to grow in them. His hands started shaking from where I could see them in front of me, and Two-Bit had to hold him together and murmur quietly in his ear for a few moments.

"Chill, Steve," I could hear Two-Bit coaxing, "You're fine; he's fine. He's okay, man – Soda's okay. Calm down, Steve – just calm down..."

That seemed to last about five minutes before Steve actually gained his composure. Wiping his eyes furiously on his arm, he looked at me as if to say _this doesn't get talked about at all_. I nodded, holding back a grin at the victory of seeing my brother's best friend show emotion for once.

Two-Bit sighed and looked to me, narrowing his eyes. "You're sure you want to –"

"_Glory, Two-Bit, yes!_" I whispered sharply, rolling my eyes. "Just open the _damn door_!"

"Let's get this over with..." Two-Bit responded, scratching at the back of his neck with a sigh.

"Let's hope he's awake," Steve murmured to no one in particular as the door swung open and we stepped inside.

Hope was what got us here; a miracle was what we needed more than ever now.

* * *

**Well, I hope that this update (or lack of one) was at least sort of satisfying for you to read. I am unsure as to when this next chapter will be up, since I'm at my dads this weekend and I'm having a party with some friends of mine for my sixteenth birthday on Sunday... I'm hoping to start this next chapter once this one is posted, so perhaps a double update will occur. There's no definite chance that'll happen, though, because I get sidetracked easily and uh..yeah. XD**

**Thanks for reading, lovelies!**

**:) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Welcome back for chapter 9! This is a big one in terms of the plot, so I hope you like it. :)**

* * *

Chapter 9:

Memories and Miracles

Going into it, I really thought that I mentally prepared myself as much as I possibly could. I really thought that I was strong; that nothing in that room would – could – break me any more than what I already was.

But the moment I saw him laying in that goddamn bed with those goddamn wires attached all over him and his goddamn eyes closed, I forgot all about that. I forgot about being strong; I forgot about being prepared...

I forgot about it all and just _broke_.

The crying came first; I began to bawl, not caring who heard me. I watched as Steve and Two-Bit looked at me with a shit-ton of sympathy, but I didn't want it – I didn't need it. I just needed to sit here; to let my emotions run out of my system in the form of tears and screams of agony, as if seeing Soda in that goddamn bed shattered my soul.

Then came the shame. The shame for letting this happen – for letting Soda be stuck in that bed while I stood at his bedside, watching the monitor tick and beep and continue to give him life. The shame for letting Darry get away; for not telling Soda to go after him..perhaps I could've prevented this entire thing had I let him.

The anger came last – it came like a fire, hot and seething. Anger at Darry for doing this to him out of retaliation against me; anger at Darry for everything he ever did to me – to Soda. I began to cry even harder and scream even louder, to which Steve took action and came into my sorrowful bubble, pulling me to him like a mother would her child.

"I know, kid," he murmured as I sobbed against his shirt. He heaved a sigh, his breath shallow and cracking as he said, "I know."

I could feel Two-Bit's eyes on my back as I stood there in Steve's arms, and I guessed he was thinking the same thing I was: since when had Steve been so compassionate towards me? Most of the time, he was trying hard not to kick my ass or shoving me around; never in my life had I thought that Steve Randle, the guy who was as hard as stone up until now, would act so generous towards me – hell, _care for and comfort _me.

Silence fell over the room then, all except for the beeping of Soda's goddamn machine. I moved away from Steve and wiped my arm across my eyes, getting rid of the evidence that I had been crying. I looked over my shoulder at my brother, silently cursing at myself and at Darry for letting this happen – for making this happen.

It was then that I finally moved to his bedside, my eyes scanning his body. I saw the gashes on his arms, his legs and his face; I saw the black eye he had from a few days ago... I saw everything that had hurt him – including myself. I saw myself in him; in the soft yet pained look on his face as he lay unconscious; in the way of his hands and how they rested on the bed sheet...

Even though he was a person completely his own, I still saw myself in him in the smallest of ways.

* * *

It was nearly dawn when I felt a hand stroke my hair, pushing it back to get a clear look at my eyes. A tube of some sort brushed against my nose, making my body jolt backward and my eyes open to the bright light of a hospital room.

"Woah, woah!" Two-Bit's voice was suddenly at my side, his hands gripping my shoulders to keep me in place as I looked at him with wide eyes. "Easy, Pony; easy."

"W-what the hell was that?" I stammered, my heart beating wildly in my chest. "Who the hell –"

"Take a guess, smartass," Steve muttered humorously from the wall to my left. His arms were crossed over his chest and he had a wide, excited grin on his face.

I raised an eyebrow, frowning. "You?"

Steve and Two-Bit both snorted at that, laughing softly. "Hell no!" Steve said, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't touch that hair," Two-Bit added sarcastically. "Probably got lotsa bugs or some shit in it."

"Shut up," I grumbled, though I couldn't help but smirk. "You guys are a bunch of –"

"...Watch your language, Ponyboy."

I froze at the sound of his voice, my mouth gaping open but no words coming out. I watched as the grins on Steve and Two-Bit's faces grew, their eyes lighting up in the same excited manner.

_This can't be happening, _I thought in disbelief, shaking my head back and forth. _That can't be him...it can't be._

Slowly, I turned around and faced him, letting out a saddened yet relieved sigh to see him here; to see him alive.

_But it is. _

"I..." I whispered, all of the oxygen in my lungs seeming to no longer be there in that single moment. I felt like I was suffocating; like a giant weight had been placed on my chest instead of being lifted off. I heard Steve and Two-Bit leave the room, giving Soda and I the privacy we didn't want in a time like this.

Soda smirked and opened his arms out to me, sighing. "Come here, kid," he said, his voice soft and careful. "Just come here."

I lost it for the second time that day. I felt my wall of emotions, which were bottled up for so long, break as I sank into my older brother's arms and allowed him to hold me. There wasn't an ounce of shame in that crying; not one ounce of shame or regret.

And as I fell asleep next to him that night, all I felt was relief.

All I felt was _home_.

* * *

**Merry Christmas to you, my readers! I hope that this was nice to read. :) I felt that I would update today, not only because it's the holidays, but because I was really in a deep hole of crap from being sick and this seemed to be my outlet. **

**Happy New Year as well, since I probably will not get another update in until after the new year begins!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Risks

**_Soda_**

_I was never much of a partier – never really drank, never really got into any drugs besides cigarettes, and definitely never got a girl knocked up. I was always the one to drive others, like Two-Bit and Dallas, around after they could no longer stand because they were so drunk; I was always the one to shelter them at the house against Darry's word because I didn't want anything to happen to them; I was there for Dallas when he got a broad knocked up and nearly went insane. _

_That's my problem, I guess. I'm always there for people; always there to pick up their pieces; always there to fix and mold them back into some shadow of their original self._

_But no one is ever there for me._

* * *

There's one night I remember vividly; it's one I'll probably never forget.

* * *

_"Come on, Soda," Steve hollered around my bedroom door. "It'll be fun!"_

_"I told you, Steve: I ain't going." I shouted back as I shoved my legs through a pair of sweatpants. _

_"Why the hell not?" Two-Bit's voice joined Steve's now, and I sensed that Dallas wasn't far behind them. __With a sigh, I hastily opened the door and whisked past them into the living room._

_"Because," I said as I sat down on the couch and narrowed my eyes to face the three of them, "I'm not up for it."_

_"You're never up for anything, Curtis." Dallas' face came into my vision from where he stood out on the porch, smoking a cigarette casually. _

_"That's because whenever I do participate in something that involves the three of you, something bad happens."_

_"Not always!" Steve and Two-Bit scowled in unison, rolling their eyes._

_Dally sighed loudly, clearly aggravated. "Come on, you two," he said, pointing a finger at Two-Bit and Steve. "Just because Soda ain't going doesn't mean we gotta miss the fun of –"_

_"Shut up, Dallas!" Steve shouted hurriedly, making it impossible to figure out how Dally had finished his sentence. _

_"You've gotta branch out more, Soda," Two-Bit muttered to me as he sat on the couch next to me. Steve nodded in agreement as he took up the other side, sprawling his arms across the back and the arm of the couch. _

_I heard Dallas bark out a laugh and watched him throw his cigarette, not even half finished, onto the ground and put it out with his heel before he stepped inside. He seemed pleased to have us sitting down, to which I knew we were going to get some sort of dipshit speech from him in about thirty seconds. _

_"I'll give this to you straight," Dallas drawled, the smell of smoke wafting all through the house as he paced back and forth. "because you know I'm not one to sugarcoat shit." He jabbed a finger at me and threw a wicked, sadistic smile my way as he continued. "You, my dear friend, have _got _to grow some balls and take a risk. Risks are everywhere and in everything, Sodapop, and you are the one dumbfuck who completely avoids them at all costs. Ever since your parents died, you've done nothing but be safe; you've done nothing but sit here in this goddamn house. You've done nothing but sit here and watch over your brothers; one of which can take care of the other just fine by himself. You're like a ghost of your former self, man. What happened to the Soda we knew – the fun one? The one who was always ready to crack a joke or get drunk or even pick up our sorry asses when we needed it? You were a risk-taker, Curtis; you know you were. Take this one risk tonight; go out with us – take this one risk and don't even think about looking back."_

* * *

So that's what I did. I snuck out of the house against Darry's will when he was asleep and went out to a party. I left my blood brothers to go and take a risk with my brothers who weren't mine by blood, but by heart.

* * *

_I could barely see anything – much less anyone – through all the flashing lights and the booze that was in my system. I was on top of the world; that was somewhere I hadn't been in a long, long time. _

_And it felt good to be on top._

_I knew Darry was going to kill me tomorrow; I knew that like the back of my hand. I knew that both him and Ponyboy would be shocked to out that I'd gone to a party, yet not surprised at who convinced me to go. _

_I knew a lot of things that night, but I didn't care; all I cared about was finally living._

_I could see Steve and Two-Bit at the back of the bar, making out with one girl each. I could hear Dallas shouting and hollering at girls from across the bar, trying to get their attention. My mind was fuzzy, but I vaguely registered people pushing past me and shoving me every which way – left, right, back and forth – until I could no longer process where I was going. _

_Cool night air suddenly brushed against my body, leading me to believe that I was outside. I spun on my heel and crashed into a body, getting a rough shove into someone else, who cursed at me as her drink spilled. Finally, I decided to walk off on my own, and after tripping on my own feet a few times and falling on my ass in the wake of those, I got myself to a bench and settled down on it, sighing and laughing at the same time. _

_"I am _so _drunk right now!" I shouted to the dull night sky, immediately bursting into hysterics. I could feel everyone's – drunk and sober – eyes on me, giving me weird looks, but I didn't care. __The booze in my system – a mixture of whiskey, tequila, and good old beer – made me completely unaware of the person sitting next to me until she blew a puff of cigarette smoke in my face. I hissed and batted it away frantically, to which she laughed heartily and continued to do it just to piss me off. _

_"Fucking stop!" I cried at her, sounding like a little kid who just got his toy taken away and wanted it back._

_That damn laugh again came from her lips. "Someone's feisty when they're drunk, hm?" _

_"I'm not drunk!" I protested, rising from my seat and staring her down defiantly. "I'm just tipsy."_

_"Sure you are..." the girl mused, rising from her seat as well and coming really fucking close to me. I could smell the smoke off her clothes and her breath as she whispered, "What's your name, boy?"_

_A purr-like noise came from my throat, earning me a chuckle from her. "Soda." _

_"Claudia," the girl introduced quickly before tipping her head back and downing the last of her beer. "So, Soda..." Claudia purred, taking my hand in hers and beginning to lead me back into the bar, "Want to get me another drink?"_

* * *

I did just that. I got her another drink; I got her three, to be exact. I gave myself one more shot; the shot that would, hopefully, not let me down.

* * *

_In my drunken state, I felt fine; I felt like nothing could go wrong. I thought I would – could – make all the right decisions._

_So as Claudia led me into the darkest part of the bar and shut the door behind us, I had no clue what would come next. She turned the lights on suddenly, making me recoil and groan at the blast of light my eyes now had to adjust to. _

_In the center of the room, a grand piano – now dusted with age – rested clear as day. I watched as Claudia maneuvered her way around it, dragging her fingers in the dust that collected on the black surface. She crooked one finger at me and murmured, "Come here, Soda. I want to show you something."_

_I felt my feet move before my body, and I was suddenly before her, her breath fanning over my face and her words slurring together in her own drunken way. "I used to play this old thing before they made the space into more seating room..." She smiled in the smallest way, a twitch of her mouth before it disappeared. "Would you like to hear me play?"_

_I nodded, to which she hummed in pleasure and took my hand again. She led me to the seat before the piano and settled herself on it, pulling me down with her. I set my hands under my thighs when she let go of my hand, wary of what drunken-Soda might do to her while she played and not wanting to find out what that would be. _

_When she played, __I forgot about everything else in the world. I forgot about Steve, Two-Bit and Dallas just outside the door in the bar; I forgot about how much trouble I was going to be in tomorrow; I forgot about everything and focused on her – on this moment and how wonderful it was to be existing. She played that goddamn piano so beautifully; so tragically that it was almost painfully mesmerizing. _

_When she finished, she looked to me. Her dark eyes – a dark, cerulean blue, I realized – scanned my dark brown. Her lips parted slightly, like she had words to say yet didn't know how to say them. There was a tense silence between us, one that I knew would break no matter who spoke first._

_Finally, her silky voice, so drunk yet so beautiful, came to me. "Do you take risks, Soda?"_

_I smirked, my heart bursting; cupping her face in my hand, I stared hard into her eyes. "I do now."_

* * *

Maybe it was stupid now – the fact that I really thought I loved Claudia – but back then it was so right.

And as I look back on it now, I realize that out of the sins and virtues of the world, loving her was a risk worth taking.

* * *

**Well, hey! XD **

**I really have no clue where this chapter came from. I literally just sat down at my computer and started to write this, and here it is. I know this has nothing to do with Insanity, but it's something different than our usual distraught-Pony. :)**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was certainly a joy to write, and I'll most likely write more like this from time to time from Soda's point of view if you like it that much. **

**See you next update!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm so deeply sorry for the wait on this chapter. This one was a real toughy to write, to be honest, and I've been putting it off out of lack of inspiration. **

**Nonetheless, with the help of writing a one-shot not too long ago (it's called _to the end of all time_, for those of you who haven't read it yet) and music to help, I've finally got this chapter done. Thank you all for the wait and I hope you enjoy.**

**Also, shoutout to Pony-Edward-Lucas'Girl for reviewing even though I've been taking forever to update. You're amazing and I thank you so much. :)**

* * *

Chapter 11:

A Sin For a Virtue

"How long are they making you stay here?"

The slap of wool against flesh echoed through the room as Soda caught the tennis ball I'd just thrown at his face. "Don't know," he said casually, followed by a grunt of effort as he shot the ball back in my direction. "Not much longer, I don't think. Honestly, I'm glad to be out after a good month here. They need room for even worse shit-faced people like me anyway – I was just taking up space."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You took up space to heal, Soda. There ain't any shame in that."

A shrug, a moment of silence, and then the door at the front of the room opened to reveal Steve. He had his arms crossed over his chest and Two-Bit at his side, both of them looking completely serious. When he spoke, his voice was calm, eager, and sharp all at the same time.

"We need you to leave the room, Pone."

I immediately looked to Soda, who frowned and looked back at his best friend with skepticism on his face. "Why's he gotta leave?"

A shaded look crossed over Steve's dark eyes, shadowing them even further as he ignored Soda's question, narrowed them on me and said, "Now, Pony."

"Answer Soda's question," I said, staring at him levelly. I saw a flash of anger spark in his already pissed-off eyes and a snarl start to form on his lips. "Why do I have to –"

Steve cut me off with a sharp _tsk_ sound of his tongue. With a sigh, he turned towards Soda and shut his eyes. "Two-Bit and I don't think he's ready to hear this kind of stuff."

"He's in the same boat as you two, Steve," Soda interjected, which only seemed to anger Steve even more.

"It's an adult matter," Steve pressed, a vein in his forehead peeking out of his skin in his growing irritation. "It ain't meant for kids like him."

The three of us simultaneously looked to Two-Bit, who hadn't said anything throughout this entire thing. No objection, yet no backing on our end, either; it was odd, coming from the guy who _always_ wanted to say something no matter what it was you were talking about.

From the sound of body weight shifting, I knew Soda was turning his attention to me. Though I didn't look at him, instead keeping my eyes on Steve, who was watching me in return, I knew that whatever was going to come out of his mouth was going to be in my defense.

"Go, Pone."

_Well, shit._

I was genuinely surprised at Soda's tone; so surprised that I tore my eyes from Steve's and focused on him instead. It was thick with authority, as if I had done something bad and was in the need of a scolding. The bed sheet crumpled and folded in on itself as Soda sat down on his old bed, his hands clasped together and his lips a thin line. His dark eyes were searching mine, egging me on. "What?"

"I said go, Pone," Soda repeated his order, his voice not once wavering.

I raised an objecting hand in the direction of Steve and Two-Bit, who had both moved to either side of him. "But you just –"

"I know what I said!" Soda lamented, running a hand through his hair. He sighed and looked me dead in the eye as he placed his hand back in his lap. "But if it's that important to where they don't want you in here, then I guess I've gotta respect their wishes and have you leave." His voice was almost pleading me now, his eyes showing the unspoken hatred of himself for casting me outside.

"But –"

"I swear to God, Ponyboy," Steve growled from Soda's left side, "I'll throw your ass from here to the front door if you don't get a move on."

"Steve..." Soda warned, throwing his best friend a hard glare from the corner of his eye. "Not now." Steve snorted softly and cursed under his breath as my brother turned his attention back to me. "Pone, please," he said softly, jerking his head towards the door with a harshness in his eyes, "out. It'll only be five minutes, I swear."

"Promise?" I asked, hearing Steve step forward and Two-Bit hiss at him to stop where he was.

Soda nodded, the harshness faded from his dark gaze and now filled with sincerity. "Promise, kid. And you know I ain't one to break my promises."

With a sigh on my lips, I pushed myself off of the arm of the hospital chair. Holding my hands out in surrender and hearing Soda laugh softly under his breath, I stormed out of the room without so much as a glance towards him. I did, in fact, catch eyes with Steve; the guy simply nodded briskly to me with his expression not changing, and it was only when the door slammed shut behind me that he bothered to open his mouth and turn his eyes away from the window.

I kept my eyes on Soda the entire time. I would move with Steve if he tried to shield Soda's face from my view; I would bend, twist, and even jump up just to get a look at how he was doing. Nothing in this world was going to keep me from making sure everything they were telling him wasn't something that would hurt him.

For about ten minutes they sat there, talking and laughing and acting casual. I considered putting my hand on the door handle and barging back in, demanding to know what they told him and why it was so important that I couldn't be in there. If it was this casual and carefree, then why –

I froze, my body numbing at the sight of Soda putting his face in his hands and his shoulders beginning to shake. I saw Two-Bit put a hand on his back and rubbing along the nape of his neck for a moment before dropping it back to his side. I saw Steve put his hand in Soda's hair like a father would his son when the boy was as high as his waist. Their lips moved and calming words were clearly spoken, because Soda raised his head and wiped furiously at his face as if to get rid of the evidence of his strong demeanor breaking.

Only the tears didn't stop for Soda; they just kept coming. I watched as my brother's mask – the one he'd been wearing ever since our parents died; one of will and wit and humor and love and sacrifice – crack at the edges and finally _fall_. I had watched him grow up faster than I ever anticipated; I watched him grow stronger than me...

...only now, he was weaker than me.

Anger rose in my chest, bubbling and threatening to overflow. I swallowed hard, my hands growing sweaty and my body temperature rising as more anger fizzed just beneath the surface. My hand clenched and unclenched on the door handle as I tapped my foot in anticipation. The anger – the rage; the malice; the _fear_ – grew stronger with every breath; every thought; every foot tap; every beat of my heart until I finally couldn't take it.

All rational and safe thinking threw out the window, I could only feel my body let go of all control as the two of them exited Soda's room. I threw myself at Steve as Two-Bit screamed at me to stop – that nothing was going on that could hurt my brother – that everything was okay. My anger released as my body started throwing itself around on Steve, punching and kicking and grappling him, screaming all the while. Steve blocked most of my weak, rage-fueled blows, and delivered his own sharp and painful rounds – ones that left my torso stinging, my left eye bleeding and my lungs gasping for air.

"What'd you tell him?" I screamed at Steve, feeling Two-Bit's arms loop around my waist and pry me away. More and more people suddenly were in view, with three giants having to restrain me while Two-Bit went and helped Steve off of the ground. I noticed that, as Steve rose to his feet, his lip was split open and oozing blood; he was also gripping the side of his head for periods of time before drawing his hand away, flicking specks of blood onto the ground. "_What in the hell did you tell him?!"_

"Calm down, Pony," Two-Bit panted, putting a hand on my chest and looming over me as the three guys released me. "Nothing happened, I swear."

Soda took Two-Bit's place in front of me and was blocking my view, his white tank top ruffled and creased horribly from being folded and stuffed in a bag for the last month. He placed his hand on the back of my neck, bending to my level and putting Steve out of my vision. "Calm down, Pone. It's okay – you're okay. Steve and I –"

I cut him off with a snarl, which Steve seemed to hear and snorted in reply. Two-Bit pushed his hands against Steve's chest as he began to come into the corner of my eye, hissing at him to shut up and calm down. Soda didn't move from his place in front of me, a calm and collected gleam in his eyes. "Hey," he said softly, raising an eyebrow curiously, "You wanna take a walk to cool off?"

"I'm fine, Soda," I growled, wiping at my bloodied nose with my shirt sleeve.

"Like hell you are!" Steve muttered, to which I shot back, "So are you, shit–"

"Hey, hey," Soda murmured, placing his other hand on the side of my face and making me meet his eyes. "Easy, Pony – easy. Nothing's wrong; nothing happened in there that wasn't –"

The wailing of police sirens suddenly blared into the front of the hospital, striking a new wave of panic inside of me. I began to thrash and twist in Soda's grip, trying to get away so that the cops didn't see me – or worse: arrest me and send me back to the mental institution.

"Pone?" Soda asked as I tore and ripped at his hand around the back of my neck, trying to get it to let up so I could run. "Pone, what's wrong?"

"I have to get away," I said hurriedly as the slamming of doors designated in my mind. I cursed and finally got free of Soda's hand just as the cops broke into the place, taking off down the hallway. I heard Soda scream my name, and the flow of another set of footsteps tapping against the tile floor made me realize that he was following me. I weaved in and out of hallways, turning sharply and shouting at Soda to go back – to not follow and leave me alone.

As I was about to descend the numerous flights of stairs, someone caught my wrist and a jolt of fear flashed through my body. Panicked, I looked up into Soda's eyes, who stared worriedly back at me. "What in the _hell_ –" he asked over the wailing of police sirens just outside the windows, "– is going on, Pony?"

"I can't tell you!" I stammered, feeling tears sting the corners of my eyes.

"Why the hell not?"

"I..." I stopped, hearing the police's feet beginning to get closer. "I can't! Soda, please – go back and let me go."

The cops were getting closer; I could see the small glimmer of their flashlights as they wandered through the dark hallways, listening to them shout back to one another about what they'd found. My heart beat rapidly in my chest, my head starting to spin as my anxiety grew stronger.

Soda shook his head, keeping his grip tight on my wrist. "Soda, for God's sake!" I cried, tears spilling down my face and my feet itching to run. "Go! Go find Steve and Two-Bit and just _leave me!_"

The shouting was growing louder by the minute. I knew I had to break for it now; I had to run now if I was ever going to get one shot of making it out alive.

He stared hard at me for another moment before letting me go. "Go," he said briskly, a dangerous light igniting in his eyes. "Go, Ponyboy – I'll be right behind you."

I had no time to question – together, hand in hand and step by step, Soda and I were changed. For better or worse, we were on the run – we were criminals; something I had been my entire life, while Soda – with his charming smile and warm eyes – was too innocent to be considered.

* * *

The bright orange hue of the sunset shone down brightly on the west side of the hospital as Soda and I burst through the metal doors, our feet stumbling on themselves as the ground changed from stone to soft grass. Leaves and sticks broke and flew up in the wake of our rushing across the open field in the direction of the woods. Soda's hand was still wrapped around mine as he dragged me alongside him, our breathing and footfalls being the only sound in the entire expanse of land.

We crashed into the woods with shouting echoing in the air. I knew that the cops had followed our trail, making it that much easier to either be surrounded within minutes or shot with each footfall. My heart pounded in my chest, panic rising with every beat it gave to my body.

I had no idea where we were when Soda abruptly stopped, causing me to be jerked back at his feet as my own continued to propel me forward. As I fell back, Soda's hand was wretched from mine and he set his hands on his knees and ducked his head, catching his breath. I threw my arm over my eyes as I fought to suck in air, my lungs feeling as if they were about to collapse.

The woods were silent for a moment. Then, like a sharp knife gliding across skin, a gunshot punctured that graceful, beautiful silence and had Soda roughly hauling me to my feet. I heard my brother cursed as he looked back in the direction we'd been running. More gunshots and shouting – closer this time – rang in my ears; my instincts told me to look to Soda for guidance, and by the fearful glint in his dark eyes I knew that this wasn't going to end easily.

He didn't bother to look at me when he gave the order; he didn't have to – I was going to follow whatever in the hell he said, no matter what it happened to be.

"Run, Pone – _run._"

We took off once more, weaving in and out of treelines as the cops advanced. Fear and adrenaline coursed through me, giving me strength and willpower I hadn't possessed a mere ten minutes ago. I heard Soda coaxing me from behind, and I didn't dare look over my shoulder at him; I kept my eyes straight ahead, leaping and bounding over anything in my path.

_Shit shit shit! _my mind screamed at me as a bullet whisked past my ear, nicking it at the top. Pain shot through that side of my head, but I forced back a shout and continued to bolt, knowing that if I said one word, I was going to be the first one to be silenced with a bullet through my head.

Soda suddenly came up directly beside me, his arm brushing mine. "Keep going!" he urged, noticing that I was starting to slow my pace. He put his hand on the small of my back and lightly pushed me, making me just the smallest bit ahead of him. There was suddenly a large round of bullets being shot, to which Soda threw himself on top of me and we crashed to the ground, the sudden force of both the ground and Soda's weight making something in my body _crack. _I inhaled sharply, screaming internally from the pain that blasted through every one of my limbs, most of it coming from my shoulder.

Instead of hearing the withdrawal of weapons and a voice demanding that we rose to our feet, the air was heavy with the echoes of bodies falling to the ground and blood. I felt Soda push himself up and heard him sit back on his knees, and at this point I really didn't give a shit who heard me, prompting my lungs to scream and my body to thrash on the ground as the pain grew and grew.

Soda suddenly cupped a hand over my mouth, dulling my cries as he shook his head wildly. "Shut up, Pone," he murmured rapidly, his eyes wide as he looked back over his shoulder, "there's someone coming; shut up for a sec."

I mentally threw him a _fuck you_ as a crowd began to form around us; only problem? It wasn't the police. These guys were dressed in full black, complete with streaks of black paint across their faces and dark eyes to match. They stared down at us with a simple yet dangerous flicker in their eyes and a grin twitching at the corners of their mouths.

Out of all these men, only one clearly had order. I watched with wide eyes as he bent down to my level, grabbing at my face and turning it from side to side. I heard Soda growl with warning, to which the guy gave him a sharp glare that shut him right up. A simple hum of interest came from his chest, an eyebrow raised in clear curiosity and a smirk on his lips. His dark eyes – a dark, murky gray-green – didn't stray from mine as he stood back to his full height, the smile growing wider and darker as he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Bag 'em," he said silkily, jerking his head in both Soda and my direction. My vision suddenly turned black as he let out a soft snort, murmuring almost to himself, "Kat will wanna see this."


	12. Chapter 12

**a lot of eye-locks and growls and horrible description ahead along with a bunch of rushing'**

**thanks to my bff, Seventh, for helping me write basically _all _of the second half. I love youuuu, Sagey. c:**

**Thank you ****_so _****much for the one favorite, one follow, and three reviews on the last chapter! I'm really hoping to get back in the swing of writing for this story as school comes to an end, but since it's still going on, updates will be scattered... Apologies in advance. :c**

**I'm sure you're all wondering what our two boys have gotten themselves into, so let's begin!**

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Chapter 12:

Divide and Conquer

A frustrated groan; a foot being thrown down against the wooden floor in that same manner. Soft murmurs floated in the air, muffled intensely by the bag around my head. A strong metallic tang was beginning to take over my senses, making me feel nauseous as the smell caked my mouth.

Suddenly, the commotion around me stopped as the creak of old wooden doors being opened echoed in the room. The soft click of boots - combat, I guessed - only made my heart pound harder with each footfall as they came closer and closer in my direction. I could feel their warmth clouding around me from all sides, which only made my head spin even faster.

From within the cold and brutal silence, a female's voice came through. It was soft - soft of like a bird feather - but it was also hard - like a blade. The cold stretch of rings on her fingers wrapped loosely around my wrists, holding them in place as I started to panic.

"Unbag him," the words were clearly an order, for as she started to remove her hands and instead replace them with rope, the blackness that surrounded me melted away. There was a dull light in the center of the room as well as above my head, with numerous amounts of people - boys, girls, men, women - all staring with dark and dangerous eyes.

The boot clicks got farther and farther away as a semi-tall woman emerged into the light. Her blonde hair went just a little past her shoulders, falling softly around her face. Her eyes were sharp and determined; a soft blue with a lust for getting answers, no matter the way. The flash of her rings blinded me for a mere second as she lifted her hand and grabbed the black bag, let out a soft laugh and ripped it back, revealing my brothers wide, worried eyes.

It took Soda a moment to even notice I was there. A long time seemed to have passed before he even bothered to look in my direction, his dark gaze sweeping among the crowd gathered around us. I could tell in the way his eyes narrowed in on my face, his stature straightened and his weak struggle to fight against being tied up that he was panicking even more with me in the picture.

The woman took her ringed hand and forced Soda to look at her. When she spoke, her voice radiated across the room despite the distance between us. "Don't worry," she said, hooking a finger under Soda's chin to keep their eyes locked, "We're not here to hurt you."

"Where the hell are we?" Soda demanded, to which the woman laughed and shook her head.

"You don't need to know that," she purred. Her voice, as calm and as soothing as it was, sent chills down my spine. "All you need to know is that you're safe."

"You son of a bitch," Soda hissed, casting a quick glance at me. I stared hard into his eyes, knowing that he was wondering if I had been hurt.

The woman scoffed and patted his cheek. "Not a son, but a daughter," she whispered. Her eyes suddenly flashed over at me before they turned back to Soda. A wide grin spread across her face as she thrust Soda's hand right before her, letting out a hum of interest.

"You're married," she murmured as Soda fought and thrashed against her grip. She let go after a moment or two longer of staring at the glimmering band. Soda hastily put his hands back in his lap, watching with angered eyes as the woman sauntered away from him and started coming for me. She suddenly stopped, twisted her head back at Soda and said, "So... If you're married, why the hell do you have a boy with you and not your wife?"

"I'm his brother!" I growled, and goosebumps rose along my skin as she turned her cold gaze on mine. Our eyes locked, and I felt my entire body go numb as she snickered and threw her head back, laughing.

"Oh my gosh," she stammered, "t-this is just too good! Big brothers gotta protect little brother, eh?"

"I can take care of myself, lady," I flashed back, and I could feel Soda's eyes on me willing me to shut my mouth.

Her hand was suddenly on my neck, the cold bite of the rings and the cruel dig of her nails making me wince. "The name's Kat," she hollered as if no one in the room knew that already beside Soda and I. "And if there's one thing you don't do, it's talking back to me. Got it, little boy?"

I swallowed harshly, nodding. Satisfaction blazed through her eyes like a high as she let go of my neck, air flooding into my lungs as she kept her gaze on mine. With a sudden aggression lighting in the blue orbs, she flicked her wrist and two men came into the shadowed light, the black paint now smudged along their cheekbones and dotting their lower eyelids.

"This is Kai and Elijah," Kat explained, jerking her thumb in each of their directions as she spoke their names. "You and your brother are being put under watch, and these are your two guards." She pointed over to where Soda sat, with two guys standing on each side of him as well. "Asher and Blaine are your brother's." She crossed her arms over her chest and simply cocked her head to the side before turning her attention to another man.

"Carl, did you get the rest of their information?" she asked, her tone a touch more gentle than it had been with me or Soda. The man handed a folder of papers, and the woman pawed through it.

"Yeah, looks in order." She put it on a nearby table and grinned. It was a beautiful grin, but a dangerous one; she looked like she would either start laughing or bite someone's head off. "So... Ponyboy? Sodapop? Unusual names. At least by my standards. You were both patients, but neither of you told anyone how you got so messed up." her tone had softened, but it was silk hiding steel. Soft, yes, but dangerous and cold as ever. Like those eyes... She paced around us now, and I tried to follow her. I didn't trust her not to hold us at the point of a knife. "Tell us about that."

"Gang fight," I lied. "We got in a gang fight." I regretted my choice immediately. I felt her hand on my shoulder, a simple threat.

"Oh, really now? It must've been so scary for such a tiny boy like you," she said dully, clearly not buying it. "Of course, you might mean something else by 'gang fight'. Choose your words carefully, Ponyboy Curtis."

I looked to Soda, expecting him to throw some sort of defense my way. My heartbeat dulled for a moment as I realized that Soda didn't bother saying a word; he continued to stare straight ahead, his lips a thin line and his eyes like steel.

_He's doing it for his own good, _I told myself, trying not to be hurt by the action. _For your own good, too. _

Silence settled in on the room again as Kat returned to stand before Soda. I could feel his anxiety running off of him, could see the nervous sweat beginning to break along his neck and practically hear his heart thumping in his chest.

"What about you?" Kat asked sharply, tapping her fingers against her hip in impatience. "What's your reasoning behind being a patient in that hospital?"

"I ain't telling you anything!" Soda scoffed, his eyes guarded as he was forced to look at Kat. "For all I know, you could be some wacko she-devil!"

"Hm," Kat drawled lazily, as if she were getting fed up with him. "Never been called that before." She suddenly began to untie his wrists, but not before she hollered over to one of my guards to do the same to me.

"Bring him here," she yelled as she dragged Soda by the arm into the very center of the room. She shoved him onto his knees facing me, and my body went cold as I was forced to my feet. "Let's see if they'll talk when they're by one another. All that brotherly love and shit, right?"

My mind was whirling as I was seated before my older brother, my vision foggy. I kept my head down, my eyes on the ground as black dots started to crowd and blur the pavement beneath me. I heard Soda lean forward, and then the touch of his skin as his forehead was pressed against mine.

"You good, kiddo?"

I sighed as if I'd never heard his voice before. "Yeah," I said, raising my eyes to his, "I'm fine."

"We're in a shithole," he murmured, trying to sound humorous. "But we're okay; at least for now."

His warmth was replaced with a bitter chill as someone pulled at my hair, jerked my head back and forced me to look at the sky. I half expected Kat to be standing there, but instead, it was another woman. She had the same shade of blonde hair as Kat, the same black wardrobe, but she had brown eyes; eyes that looked one hell of a lot nicer than Kat's, but they still had an acidic side to them.

"I have an idea," she whispered, disconnecting her gaze from mine for a moment as she glared at Soda. "Why don't you start talking?"

Kat's voice was back, slowly getting louder as she paced around us. "You take him, Molly," she ordered, to which Molly nodded and smiled down at me, "and I've got him. First one to talk just might get to live."

"No!" yelled Soda, suddenly animal-like and frantic. I watched as my brother tried to get to his feet – to try and come to my rescue – but Kat was already shoving his face down on the pavement, keeping one hand on the back of his neck.

"I could kill you right here and now," she hissed in his ear, "Right in front of your little brother... do you really want that?"

"You're not holding anything," I pointed out with a struggle. Molly had me by my collar, nearly choking me.

That's when Kat laughed, throwing her head back and cackling like a madwoman. She gained her composure rather quickly – creepily, actually – and cocked her head at me as she snapped her fingers, the group around us pulling out weapons. She took her hand off of Soda's neck and roughly hauled him to his feet, a dangerous glimmer in her eyes. "If you start now, maybe you'll both live," she said quietly, coldly. "I can be nice sometimes."

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" Soda muttered.

"Yeah, I know. Seems your wife is more of one, if she wasn't with you. You were in pretty critical condition, Curtis. Explain that to me." The heat in her gaze intensified; she was growing impatient. "I don't believe for a moment that you got in an accident or a little gang fight."

I finally registered the elephant in the room, and even though both of our lives were at stake, I couldn't risk not asking. "Who the hell are you people?"

Molly's eyes were trained on mine as she walked around the three of us in a wide circle. "We're pretty special people, boy."

"Used to be government agents," Kat sighed casually. "Fought people, killed people..." She let out a purr-like sound as she dragged her finger along Soda's shoulder while circling him. "Even captured and tortured pretty boys like you."

Soda snarled in response.

"Ooh. Tough guy," muttered Molly sarcastically, clearly amused by Soda's antics.

"What do you think we are –?" I began to ask, but Kat was on me like a lioness, ready to rip out my throat.

"Terrorist. Spy. Rogue agent. Serial killer. You could be anything, Ponyboy, if that's even your real name." she growled fiercely. "I assure you, I've met boys prettier than you who killed innocents for the sheer fun of it."

"Where's your wife, Sodapop?" Molly questioned from where she stood beside me. I watched as Soda's guard slipped for a moment as he flinched, to which Molly snickered. "What's wrong, pretty boy? Cat –" she waggled her eyebrows at Kat, who glared at her in response. "– or, Kat – got your tongue?"

"Molly, for the love of Christ," Kat sighed. "I'm getting sick of your shit."

Molly said nothing, only blinked in pride at her terrible pun.

Kat rubbed at her temples for a moment before getting back to business. "Answer the question, pretty boy," she demanded Soda, who was meeting her gaze with the same heat and frustration. "Or we force it out of you."

My right arm was abruptly twisted behind my back, Kai's strong hands holding my wrist so tight I could already feel it going numb. Soda let out a hiss, which only made his grip tighten. I grunted in the absence of words being spoken, hearing Molly telling Kai to keep me in that position until my brother answered the question.

"I guess we could just force it out of him, then," Molly said sweetly, though there was clearly distaste in her tone, "if you want it that way."

"Let him go!" Soda cried, narrowing his eyes on mine. "He's done nothing to you!"

Kat snickered from where she stood behind him. "Oh, this is sweet," she purred, twisting some of her hair around her finger, "big brother's gonna take the pain for little brother."

"Unfortunately," Molly said sadly, feeling her hand snake along my neck. "little brother's already hurt, so that's not happening." Her weight was suddenly bearing down on my shoulder – the one I'd forgotten about causing damage to back in the woods. My blood boiled and my lungs burned as I shrieked from the pain, doubling over onto the ground; I heard Soda shout my name and call Molly obscenities, and the last thing I saw was Kat striking Soda across the face so hard that her hand was now imprinted in his skin like the ink of a tattoo.


	13. Chapter 13

**wow, we're already to Chapter 13. A long time coming, but ****_dang._**

**I want to thank you all – past reviewers, new reviewers and returning reviewers – for keeping this story alive. I also want to thank my bffs, Seventh and Cheese (who are the basis' of Kat and Molly, though they aren't that mean in real life), for pushing me and demanding that I update. You two have stepped back from writing this version of Insanity, but even still, I couldn't have done any of this without you. **

_**without any of you.**_

**So thanks, guys; for everything.**

**Now, let's get into some emotions and some fluff cx**

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Chapter 13:

Death, Yet Life

**_Soda_**

"I never knew her, you know."

I looked up from staring at my hand, which was barely visible thanks to the darkness surrounding me, to settle my gaze on Pony. There was sadness in his eyes, a hint of pity flickering behind that same sadness.

"I know you didn't," I murmured, tearing my gaze from his and staring at the wall behind him. "I didn't want you to."

"Why not?" his question shook my body and I grimaced. "Why didn't I know her?"

I sighed; met his eyes – stared into the hurt and the wonder that was held in them. "You weren't meant to know her, kid. It ain't something I like talking about."

"You left us for her," Pony's tone changed; that sadness – the remorse, the pity – was replaced with a heated anger. "You left _me_ for her."

"I know I did."

"Then why the hell didn't I get to meet her?"

I avoided his gaze again and focused on my hand. My eyes went to my wedding band; the one I'd forgotten I'd put on back at the hospital. _If only I wouldn't have had this on_ – I thought – _everything could've been avoided._

There was a moment of silence; dreadful, thrumming silence that made my ears ring. "There's a lot of people you shouldn't meet, Pony. She was one of them."

"She?" Pony raised an eyebrow, adding emphasis – a little too much for my liking – at the end of the word. "Tell me, Soda: who is _she_?"

Shutting my eyes, I hung my head. I fought my inner will to not say anything; to keep this on the down low, just as I'd been doing all this time. With a shudder passing through my body, I forced that wall to break and let my little brother into the depths of my heart that I'd kept locked up for so long.

"She's Claudia..." Even just saying her name threw me into a pit of despair. "and –"

The door to our holding space, I guess you could say, suddenly opened. Kat stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest and a defiant way of which she held herself. "You're coming with me, pretty boy," she said, her eyes like ice. They held me in place as she swiftly moved forward, grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet, not even giving Pony the slightest greeting as the door slammed shut behind us.

The entire hallway was dark, the only sound being Kat's sharp footfalls and my stumbling ones. Something about Kat let me know she was pissed; maybe it was because she was growling in anger as she dragged me – or maybe it was the fact that her nails were _literally digging into my skin_. Whatever it was, it wasn't good; I just hoped I wasn't going too far on the receiving end.

There was a set of two wide metal doors that Kat shoved me through, hissing at me to talk if I wanted to live. She continued to push her hands against my chest, shoving backward until I was seated in a metal chair. There, she wrapped two large zip ties around my wrists before retreating a few paces before me, where she stood with her hands on her hips and her eyes glittering menacingly.

"Talk!" She yelled, a snarl coming through with the word. "Now!"

"I told you," I growled lowly, shutting my eyes to not have to stare at her, "I ain't telling you –"

The sheer force of her hand coming down on my face was enough to stun me. My head rushed, my vision blurred, and when I spit, the saliva that shot out of my mouth was dark red. My cheek stung immensely from her palm, and from the look on Kat's face, the action seemed to do her more harm than good.

"Talk," she demanded again, louder and harsher this time, "or am I really going to have to beat you to a fucking pulp in order for you to give me what I want?"

I blinked, my head still spinning. "What is it _that you want?" _I asked, coughing out another blood-red spitball. "What the hell do you want from me and Pony?"

That's when Kat lazily looked at her nails, inspecting them like they were some sort of prize possession. "Oh, I'm not interested in your little brother," she stated simply, making my blood boil. "I just wanted to see if you'd snap if he was hurt before you."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Snap in what – anger? Well, I guess you got what you –"

"Not in anger," Kat murmured, "but in pain."

"Pain?"

She nodded, her eyes softening just a tad. "Yeah – pain. That emotion you feel when someone you love is hurt; like your brother. The emotion you feel or get when someone you love dies." She suddenly regained her steely, guarded look. "Have you ever lost someone, Soda? Someone close to you?"

I shook my head, biting my lip. She didn't need to know about my parents; she'd only use it as bait when the time came around.

She sauntered towards me; placed her hands on my forearm, the cold of her rings making my blood run cold. She cocked her head to the side; let out a little laugh. "Oh, but you have, pretty boy..._you have._"

"You don't know a damn thing about me," I hissed, but Kat only got closer. Our eyes met, and with each breath that passed through my body, she became closer and closer together in my vision until I was looking at her through crossed eyes.

"Where's your wife, Soda?" she daunted, snickering as my breathing intensified when she said _wife_. "Where is she?"

I shook my head, staring her down; I wasn't going to let her get to me. I wasn't going to let her win.

Kat's grin only got wider. "Is she _dead_, Soda? Is your petty little wife _dead_?"

I flinched; my eyes watered, threatening to spill the tears that blurred Kat's image. I felt my chest grow tight, my lungs shriveling in on themselves, making air completely stop until I bothered to scream. My body started to shake as I fought the emotions – the pain, the remorse, and the grief – that were ready to consume me alive, take me for what I was and completely make a shadow of that person all because of Kat's words.

"She's dead," I confirmed, my voice breaking and slipping as I started to run out of strength. "a–and I couldn't s–save her."

"...How did she die?" Kat's voice was quieter now; almost inaudible.

"Cancer," I spat the word like bile, feeling rage crawling up my throat. "Died a few years ago."

She didn't respond, prompting me to continue.

"I met her at a bar," I recalled, smiling through the tears, "not the best place, yeah, but still... I met her there. She played piano for me when we first met – and glory, was she _good. _The girl could do anything she set her mind to...

I got thrown out of my house not three months later because I'd spend 'too much time with her', as my brother Darry said. So I left; didn't tell anyone that I'd left. I moved away for a couple years, then came back...found her at her same apartment she'd always lived in, and we got together completely shortly after that. She was the best-looking girl; short brown hair, dark blue eyes... I wanted to marry her the moment I met her; I mean, even through me being drunk and she being slightly tipsy, we knew we wanted to be together. I guess that's a cliche, but who the hell cares.

I left her a lot; couldn't face her after all I'd done here in Tulsa. I left and I left and I left, time after time again, but in the end, she was always waiting. She was always there, in that same damn apartment, with that same short hair and those same dark eyes... She never got older every time I saw her; she stayed the same, I think, but I don't know.

When Two-Bit's dad died, I came back. I didn't attend in person; well, I guess if you count crouching down among the bushes outside of the place, then I guess I did. I saw them all for the first time since I'd moved out that day; I saw Pony before, but not in a while. They all said the things I figured they would: asked how I was, wish I would've contacted them sooner, blah blah blah... Darry and I didn't even so much as give one another a glance, and even as Pony, Two-Bit and Steve hugged me, I ended up shoving them off and running away again.

I ran to her house, believe it or not. She let me inside, let me stay for a few hours and even kissed me that night. We were married not too long after, but no one knew besides us – no one else needed to know. Never told anyone afterward, either; not even Pony."

I paused, feeling a giant sob rip through me. "I–I was with her when she died," I stammered, letting the flow of tears that streaked my face get faster and faster, "I had to watch her suffer and go through that pain all by herself."

"So why didn't you leave?" Kat asked, though I knew it wasn't out of sheer disgust that she was asking it.

I forced my gaze to meet hers. "When you love someone like I loved Claudia, you don't leave them. You sit there and wait it out with them; you want to take their pain away, but you can't and you know you can't. Hell, they – she – knew I couldn't take her pain away no matter how much I wanted to. I held her as she died, and there's not a goddamn day that goes by without me thinking of her."

I smiled suddenly; sadly, but even so I drawled on. "I like to think that here I am, loving her from down on Earth and there she is, loving me from up in the stars that shine around the world each night. It's as if she's giving me a smile; as if she's giving the world the smile she left behind."

Kat's fingers suddenly traced along my hand, and I stared hard as she squeezed it lightly. There was a dull look to her eyes now; as if I had cracked her demeanor just a little bit from telling that to her. When I looked up, her eyes were glued to mine and she was leaning forward, so close that her breath fanned out over my face.

She suddenly reached with one hand and ripped the zip ties from their hold on me. Her gaze stayed on mine as she finished off the second one, and I shook out my numbing wrists to get the blood flowing.

Silence engulfed the room as Kat reached up with one hand and traced her nail along my jawline, her eyes now going between my lips and my eyes. "How sad it is..." she murmured, "...to lose someone that loving..."

She was getting closer now, her voice dimming down to a whisper.

"...that caring..."

Closer.

"...that human..."

Closer.

"...to a disease that has no meaning..."

Closer.

"...no intention – other than to kill."

_There._

She looked into my eyes; smiled around my breath. Then, like my body had a mind of its own, I placed my own hand on the back of her neck and crushed her lips against mine. My other hand looped around her waist, pulling her into my lap as her kisses danced across my skin with a gentleness to them. Her hands scraped against my neck, my jaw, and even tangled themselves in my hair; but even so, the scrapes were light – too delicate and soft to even make me flinch.

Kat suddenly pulled away, her breathing not even changed from the suddenness of the kiss. For a moment, we simply stared at one another with wide eyes, neither of us moving or speaking or even blinking. Then, like she had done not even five minutes ago, she leaned forward again; but this time, she didn't lean as far.

"Death's a funny thing," she murmured, her forehead lightly brushing mine. Her skin was cold, yet warm at the same time; it was odd, the feeling I got when her lips came close to my ear as she whispered, "But life likes to do that to the greatest people, doesn't it?"

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**i told you this was gonna be fluffy and sad**

**I'm actually really proud of these last two chapters, honestly. XD I don't know, but writing Soda comes a lot more natural to me than writing for Pony does. It's weird!**

**Until next time~**


	14. Chapter 14

**boop.**

**this chapter features Kat, aka Sage. c: I would like to thank her for writing this alongside me! I couldn't have done it without you!**

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Chapter 14:

Killing Me Softly

**_Kat_**

I stared at Soda for a long moment after I'd pulled away, his eyes locked on mine. There was a grin spreading across his face; the corners of my mouth twitched in the smallest of smiles, but the emotion didn't reach past them.

I suddenly placed my hands on his neck, as if I were going to strangle him. I felt Soda tense beneath my fingers, inhaling sharply, but my hands never tightened. They remained loose; stagnant on his skin, his dark eyes searching mine for an emotion that could explain what we both felt.

Suddenly, the soft and melodic sound of my voice whispered, "You should go."

Soda's hands – his rough, rugged yet soft hands – planted themselves at my waist, preventing me from moving away. "I'm not going anywhere," he said, his voice husky and dark, almost like a wolf's growl. It was insanely hot, I'll admit, but I wasn't one to let a man determine what was business and what wasn't, and this time was no different.

"You need to go," I said, glancing over my shoulder at the door, where someone could burst through at any moment. "Before someone – anyone – catches us in –"

Right on cue, as if the world was a clock telling time, Molly burst through the solid metal door. Her eyes directly went to me, then to Soda, then back to me again. The look she gave me wasn't one of ooh, get it, but of alert and even worry – a look that meant trouble in all the years I'd known her.

"We've got a problem," she said swiftly, already starting to back out the door. "Might want to come here, like, now."

At first, I was surprised at how quick I gained my footing once slipping off of Soda's lap. I looked to him, finding him already looking at me; there was a protective storm brewing behind his eyes – a storm that was meant for his little brother, should he be the one being hurt. I said nothing to him, only pushed my way after Molly, my boots rapping against the cement floor hurriedly – worriedly.

"What is it?" I ordered once I was beside Molly. I didn't need to look at her to ask with my eyes – the girl knew me well enough to know that when I asked a question, you answered it.

"Kai," she answered between huffs of breath as we picked up our pace, "and that kid –" she jerked her head back at Soda, who was right on our heels as we turned corner after corner. "– his brother."

The growl that erupted from Soda's chest wasn't anything either Molly or I had heard before. I could practically feel his anger running off of him, completely surrounding us as we broke into a full run. The sounds of screams, those in frustration and in pain, echoed off the walls, only making Soda run faster and us having to sprint to keep up with him.

We finally broke into the clearing where the screams were coming from. There, in the middle of the room, Kai stood with his foot placed against Ponyboy's back, the younger boy screaming and his lip split open.

"What the hell?" I hollered, taken aback by the situation. Kai looked up at the sound of my voice, a grin cracking on his face as he looked down and pressed harder onto Pony; the shriek that came from him made my blood run cold.

Soda's anger reached its peak at the sight of his brother, and he roughly – but not intentionally – shoved past me, his shoulder bumping mine with enough force to send it out of its socket.

Elijah, in all of his good intentions, immediately intercepted Soda's advance. He put one hand on Soda's chest, the other on his shoulder; when he spoke, his voice was worriedly calm. "Easy, bud," he tried to soothe, but Soda wasn't listening – even I could tell that. "I wouldn't go over there if I were you."

"Fuck off," Soda snarled. "That's my brother, in case you didn't realize, shitface."

I ignored their unnecessary bickering and instead focused my attention on Kai. "What the hell are you doing?" I demanded, my voice strangely calm.

"Kid tried to escape," Kai yelled over Pony's screams.

"Doesn't mean you've gotta crush him!"

Kai's eyes met mine. Pale brown met dark blue, and I saw a flash of regret streak through his pupil. "Business is business," he stated, "and the kids gotta learn it sooner rather than later, don't you think?"

"Let him up, Kai," Molly ordered darkly. "He's afraid and learned his lesson; let him up."

"Oh, but aren't you just the most proper thing, Molls?" Kai shook his head and cocked it to the side. "Always doing the right thing – even if it could get you killed."

"Isn't that what you taught me?"

"I taught you to be brave," Kai shouted, curling his lip at me. "She taught you to be soft."

I held up a hand to stop Molly from opening her mouth again. "Let him up," I ordered, our eyes not moving from one another. "Or I take you off of him."

Kai's grin widened as Pony's screams intensified with each push against his spine. "Come get me," he taunted, his eyes lighting with rage.

In an instant, I flung myself at him, going straight for the neck. I knocked him off the kid, but I wouldn't be able to hold him for long- he had the advantage in height and weight. Before he could retaliate, though, I smacked my fist into the side of his head while suddenly shifting my weight to his stomach. He struggled to get up.

"Soft, am I? Huh, dumbass?" I accentuated each strike with a word.

"Ever since your little lovebird setup was broken, you went soft," he growled.

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed, digging my nails into his face. But I had hesitated and Kai had begun to fight back. A heavy strike to my stomach, and I was sent flying. I crawled up, quick and animal-like. I hissed and sprung back, wishing I could take out my damn knife without Kai disarming me immediately.

By now Soda had joined me, lashing out against Kai. I was forced back by Pony's body as the two fought it out, Kai landing blows so powerful that I could practically hear Soda's skin breaking beneath his knuckles. Soda retaliated just as hard, though, shoving his knee into Kai's stomach six times to bring him to his knees; with a final punch to the side of the head, Kai slumped against the dark pavement without any rise or fall of his lungs.

The two bodies were a blur in my vision as Molly and Soda reached bolted across the room, passing one another without a glance. Molly turned Kai onto his side, put her ear on his chest to listen to his heart; a nod was given in my direction, letting me know that he was just knocked out. I took in the damage done to Soda – a bloody nose, bruised neck and collarbone, and what would probably become a black eye – as he knelt down and immediately collected his little brother in his arms.

"Pone," his voice was soft; gentle. Too kind to have nearly killed another man not even twenty seconds ago. "Pony, honey... Come on."

"We need to get him out of here," I murmured softly, bending down to that same level. My hand reached out and brushed against Pony's hair, smoothing it out of his closed eyes. "See what damage has been done and all."

"You're not moving him," Soda's voice was pained. Whether it was from his own wounds or Pony's unconscious form in his arms, I couldn't tell.

"We need to, though," I tried to reason, "in order to keep him safe –"

"I can keep him safe."

"We don't have time for this," I objected, forcing him to look at me. His dark eyes were dull with exhaustion, but they were also fueled by anger and unspoken worry. "_He_ doesn't have time for this."

Soda's eyes narrowed. "You're not moving him, Kat," he said grimly.

I heard Elijah's light footsteps behind me, and I knew that this was the only way. I rose to my feet, stole a quick glance at Elijah and murmured, "Go," to which Elijah grabbed Soda roughly by his waist and pulled him up to his feet. The two of them started to back away from Pony, Soda screaming and thrashing in Elijah's fierce grip. Meanwhile, I ducked underneath Soda's kicking legs and lightly placed Pony's head in my lap, worry setting completely in my brain.

"Molly," I called, "I need you."

For a minute, Molly didn't seem to hear me. "Molly!" I demanded, which made the girl look up, her eyes frightened. "Help me with Pony – now!" I could feel Pony's labored breathing against my neck as I held him close, staring hard into Molly's eyes. "Molly, please," I murmured loudly, wanting her to see that we had a bigger situation at hand. "Help me with him; he's going to die if we don't get him what he needs."

"But Kai –"

"I know," I said, my voice betraying the panicky feeling that was spreading through my body, "I know, Molls. But he's okay – he'll live. Pony won't unless he gets help." I looked over my shoulder at Soda, who had stopped resisting and was now staring at his slowly depleting brother in my arms.

Silence; hesitation burned deep in Molly's eyes, and I was about to lift Pony into my arms when Elijah's slightly-deep voice echoed off the walls.

"Let me take him, Kat."

I looked to him, expecting him to be standing right next to me. Instead, he remained by Soda's side, his hands no longer attached to him. The look in his gaze was pleading – as if he wanted to make it up to us and to himself by saving Pony's life. Reluctance pumped through me, my mind telling me not to let him and my heart telling me to.

And, against my better judgement, I nodded in approval.

Elijah wasted no time in coming near me, lightly pulling a now half-conscious Ponyboy close to his chest and taking off down the hall. I watched him go, hoping and praying to the heavens that he'd get to the medical room in time; I heard Molly get to her feet, her body getting smaller and smaller as she disappeared after them.

I turned to Soda then, but didn't rise to meet him. "He'll be okay," I murmured, staring into his eyes and trying to read his gaze – trying to sift through the emotions that piled there.

He said nothing to me as he hastily followed the trail where Molly and Elijah had gone, leaving me sitting there under the light shade of a lamp until the flicker died, blanketing me in quiet and cold.

* * *

**We're back to Pony in this next chapter. :) I hope you enjoyed! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Welcome back!**

**Phew, updating three times in one week really whipped me out in terms of writing. Can't you tell? XD I haven't updated in a while!**

**But regardless of my time lengths, you all stick around. c: It makes me so happy, and it's why I've tried hard to make this Pony chapter the best I could. I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading, favoriting and following!**

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Chapter 15:

Falling into Mother's Arms

I could feel my entire body burning with pain.

I could hear people around me, feeling someone's arms hook gently under my legs and pull me close. I could hear their footsteps roughly falling on the cement floor as they took me somewhere – anywhere – other than where I had been.

Gratitude washed over me, but the agony soon forced it away again as a sharp bright light materialized before me. I shut my eyes and groaned, which made whoever was holding me tense up in a panic.

My vision blurred; by tears or by exhaustion, I didn't know. I felt helpless; maybe because I was.

I felt dead; maybe because I was about to be.

"Hey, Pony?"

I opened my eyes weakly. Molly stood before me, her hair pinned up and her eyes flashing with worry. Her voice seemed far away the more she spoke, which only made the worry burn brighter. "You're going to be fine," she promised, but there was a twinge of doubt hidden there. "I'll make sure of it."

I cringed as my shirt was cut from my body, biting my lip to not scream as I was lightly – gently – moved from arms and onto a bitterly cold metal table. There, I watched as Molly maneuvered her way to my side, her gaze not holding its previous worry. Her gaze was focused now – focused on her work and saving me until she no longer could. "You're going to be okay," Molly repeated, her voice barely audible. Her body moved slowly in my blurred vision, almost as if time was dulling to a pause.

It was the sharp, searing pain of a simple finger gliding across my back that made my vision sort itself back out. I recoiled, the upper half of my body rising from the table as I let out a shriek and felt anger – not at Molly or anyone in the room, but at the burn of my skin – settle itself on my chest. The entire room went silent as I lowered my head, panting and feeling like I would pass out. I could feel Molly staring at me, and from the way she softly asked someone to step up beside me to hold me down if necessary, I could tell there was sorrow in every move she made.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered as she took her place again. "I can't imagine the pain that must be going through you right now..." Her arms lightly slid across my stomach, her hands warm as they were gently pressed against my side and she lowered me back down. Her gaze drifted beyond all thought, her mouth curved in a frown; after a moment, she suddenly got herself together and began working again. She murmured something under her breath, distracted in her assembling of bottles and needles. "I'm going to need you to sit up," she said suddenly. "This will work better if you're sitting up."

I stared at her, watching her eyes lock onto mine with a serious blaze to them. "Just take your time, Pony," she soothed, sensing my discomfort. "You're in a lot of pain with just lifting your head, I know – but what I'm going to give you to numb the pain will spread a lot faster if you're sitting straight rather than lying down."

My mind whirled, trying to make sense of what she was saying, but I knew I wouldn't ever comprehend it right now. There was too much pain – too much fire – boiling beneath my skin, and as I began to lift my body up, I felt the weight of that same fire blaze through me. It was hot, white pain, scorching every inch of my back and my chest with ripping intensity. I inhaled sharply, fighting back another cry; instead, I let out a painful grunt, which only got louder and louder with each little movement I made. Finally, I felt my lungs burst and my mouth openwith the sound of my agony as I threw my legs over the table and hung my head, sweat dripping down my forehead and running across my neck.

As I raised my eyes to the window, I saw him. He was staring at me, both of his hands placed on the back of his neck, his eyes narrowed and blazing with worry and anger. His neck and collarbone were darkened with purple splotches, and his right eye was beginning to turn yellow, as if he'd been punched somehow. His face was distorted, either by my teared-up gaze or by watching me suffer – probably the former.

The intensity of the silence only grew as Molly prepped the needles with drugs and a wet cloth. "This is going to hurt," she said, suddenly professional, "but you probably know that."

Anxiety built up in my chest, and just as I heard Molly grab at one of the syringes, it overflowed. "Wait!" I said hurriedly, to which Molly paused and came before me, looking into my eyes. She raised an eyebrow, clearly wondering what was wrong, but I raised a shaking hand and pointed at Soda. "I want him in here."

"Pony," Molly murmured softly, "I don't think that's a–"

"I want him in here," I repeated, harsher this time to get my point across. "I _need_ him here."

She sighed; put her hands up in surrender. Then, she turned to Soda and beckoned him inside with a flick of her wrist. I watched as he immediately bolted for the door, practically flung it off of its hinges and came right for me.

Molly didn't waste time in giving orders. "I need you to hold him while I give him this," she held up one of the syringes for emphasis. She looked between the two of us, pointed at me and said, "Or you can hold on to him. Either way, you're going to want something – someone – to be in front of you so you don't...you know, pass out and hurt yourself even more."

I looked at Soda, wondering what he was thinking. He simply returned the gesture, and I could see questions starting to form in his gaze. A thick and almost unbearable silence were wrestling with the words I knew both of us wanted to say, but couldn't say at all out of awe to see one another alive.

But, as everyone knows, the silence only lasts so long.

The minute the needle began to protrude through my skin, I inhaled sharply, trying not to cry out. It continued to go deeper, getting warmer and intense with each passing second. The pain grew, grew, and grew – almost as if I was reliving that moment, when Kai's foot was planted right in the middle of my back, pressing down with enough force to kill me. My eyes welled with tears, and I felt Soda bring his hand to the back of my neck, gently leading me towards him. As my forehead rested against his shoulder, the fire began beneath my skin, much hotter this time; it felt as if my body was being burned by a million flames, inside and out.

The air ripped in two with the sound of my scream, my lungs feeling like they were being withered to nothing. I tangled my hands in Soda's shirt, worried that if I let go, I would never see him again. I could see his hands gripping the sides of the table, keeping himself steady as I tensed out of agony before him.

"You're okay," Soda said quietly as I slackened my hold on his shirt; but only for a moment, because fire ignited in my chest as Molly pulled the first needle out only to add a second one. "You're okay, you're okay... Just breathe."

My body had started to shake, my mind whirling with pain and exhaustion. "It hurts," I hissed through clenched teeth, "so _fucking_ bad."

"I know, but you're almost done; just two more, and then you're done." I felt him smile above my head as his gaze settled on me. "You've got it, Pone. I know you do."

I was about to pull away – to meet his confident gaze – when Molly jabbed the third needle into my spine. It wasn't light, like the other two; the pain that accompanied it was hard and forceful, enough to make me feel like I would throw up. I leaned heavily on Soda now, my eyes fighting to stay open.

"Pony?" Soda asked, his hands sliding up my arms to pull me away from him so he could look at me. Worry sparked in his shadowed gaze, and he tapped my cheek a few times to get me to look at him. "Hey, hey... Look at me, Pone. Stay with me; you're okay."

"Okay," Molly's voice was far away, despite her being right in front of me. "Lay him back on his stomach. He's gotten all we can give him right now."

Time seemed to slow down as several people crowded around me, doing as Molly asked. I felt nothing as I was facing the same way I had been before, only laying down with Soda kneeling beside me, pushing my hair out of my eyes repeatedly.

"You're okay," he whispered, his breath warm against my face. "I promise, Pone, that you're okay. You're going to be okay."

I felt a smile frame my lips as I shut my eyes, the pain finally fading from my body as I sank into unconsciousness. I felt the blackness surround me, and I allowed it to bathe me in warmth as if were my own mother's arms.

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**Not as long as these last three chapters, I'll admit, which disappoints me to an extent. **

**Thank you for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

**So: here we are. The last chapter.**

**I know, I know: why am I ending it here? This was the good part; the part where we see Pony struggle and stuff! The part where we see Kada and Polly really start to soar! The part where we get fluff and pain and every little emotion in between!**

**Well, the answer? There's simply no more room in my heart for those things to happen here.  
**

**I've put so much time (I know it doesn't really seem like it), so many words and so much of myself into this that I simply _want _there to be loose ends. I _want_ there to be wonders; I _want_ there to be 'what if?'s and "why not?'s. I just want this story to end on a good note; to end on a note that it, honestly, did not begin on. **

* * *

**A Thank You:**

**I began this story on a whim. Not sure how I would begin it, how I would keep it running, and finally: how I would end it.**

**I wrote this story, this FanFiction, as a way to imagine what Pony would go through after Johnny and Dally's passings. I wrote this story as a way to let him go through a roller coaster of emotions, of rough times, and of heartache. I know that Darry wouldn't dream of abusing either Soda or Pony; I know Soda and Pony wouldn't be so aggressive. I know all of these things, and yet I went with them to add character depth to each of them – to add pain to each of them.**

**I wrote this story to cope with my own demons. Back in 2011, when I began the original Insanity, I was going through an extremely rough time. Now, having it been four years since the original and one year since the remake, this story still has a lot of me inside of it. I've put my heart, my soul, my entire being into this work. It's best if it comes to a peaceful end rather than a tragic one.**

**Holy crap, guys. I didn't expect this story to even get past a Chapter 10, and look how far we've come... we've gotten to 16 chapters, more than 26,000 words, and 47 reviews altogether. I'm so proud of myself and I couldn't have done it without any of you. It's been a wild ride; constant lacks in updates, lots and lots of crying over my characters, and even now as I write this... I'm shedding a couple of tears. **

**It's been fun; but like every good story, this needs to come to an end.**

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_Notes:_

_– _Pony has healed, but he's still not all that great yet. It's been about two months since Kai nearly paralyzed him.

– Soda and Kat are fully and completely a thing, if you hadn't picked up on that.

– Pony and Molly are flirty with one another but haven't made any sort of move because they're both awkward little nuggets.

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Chapter 16:

Time

_(written in **present tense**)_

It's funny; the ways time can change a person. Time can do a lot of things; whether it's keeping something going, stopping something or just simply passing by.

I've never been one for change; I've never been one for time, either.

"You ready?"

I turn and look at Kat, who kneels beside me; at Soda, who crouches behind her and at Molly, who sits cross-legged behind him. They all stare at me with wonder and worry burning in their eyes, and that look only grows as I nod in confirmation.

"I'm ready," I speak the words confidently even as a knot starts to form in my stomach. I have to do this; before either my willpower drains or my wonder – my need to know – burns to nothing. "Ready as I'll ever be, anyway."

Kat smiles and reaches for my hand; squeezing it lightly, she turns her head in the direction of the Tulsa Mental Institution. With a look to Soda and finally Molly, she rises and starts to make her way out from behind the treeline. They follow suit, not turning back to look at me; probably assuming I'm following right behind Molly.

"Come on, Pony," I hear Molly say calmly, "It's just around this bend."

It's only a moment after her voice reaches a void of nothing that realization settles over her and she turns her body towards the trees, where I still kneel behind an oak's trunk. "Pony?" she questions, and this makes Soda and Kat stop and do as she has. They're all looking at me now, their eyes darkened from the institution's sign, which flares dully behind them.

I don't even realize that my breathing's gotten faster, my heart's gotten quicker until Soda's down on one knee right before me, putting a hand on my shoulder and speaking lowly in my ear.

"We don't have to do this, you know."

"I want to," I choke out, clenching and unclenching my hands to try and calm down. I can feel the anxiety rushing off of my body and crashing into Soda, making him tense and totally willing to give up on doing this when not even a moment ago, he was walking towards the one place that we might get answers. "I want to."

"You're not moving, Pone," Soda points out softly. His dark eyes are on mine, searching for any sign of resistance; searching for any sign of regret. When he finds none, he sighs and casts his gaze to the ground. He's about to open his mouth, about to say something when Kat, her voice rid of the calm and collected tone it had before, interrupts him.

"If we're gonna do this," she mutters quickly with a glance over her shoulder, "then we've gotta go now."

Soda raises his eyes to mine. "Are you sure, Pony?" His tone is questioning, as are his eyes. I'm hoping that, with what I'm about to tell him, that gaze and tone will fade to understanding.

"I want to," I repeat, my voice not faltering and my panic slowly numbing from existence.

He sighs and rises to his feet. Then, like a master would to a dog, he tells me to come.

* * *

The inside of Tulsa Mental Institution looks the same as it did when I broke out. Cracked murky green paint on all four walls, poorly whirling ceiling fans and the same white-clothed people monotonously wandering around, looking for people to save or people to declare dead. It hasn't changed a bit; then again, I never expected it to.

The smell of smoke, bleach, and must brings everything back to me as we step up to the front desk. There, a woman with dark hair and soft eyes looks up from a computer with a smile on her face.

"Can I help you?"

The simplicity in her tone makes me smirk. She's too happy to be a nurse here; she's too happy to be a human being.

"Does Allison still work here?" Soda asks as he shifts from foot to foot awkwardly, as if she's going to see right through our plan and send us to the slammer.

The woman raises an eyebrow but nods. "Yes, she does... Why do you ask?"

"We want to speak with her, if that's not too much to ask." Soda leans on the counter, throwing a sly smile the woman's way. I hear Kat growl lowly behind him, a threat clearly hovering there. I watch as he reaches behind him and slaps her hand lightly, to which she holds onto it with a strong grip and a scowl on her face.

"I can see where she's at right now," the woman says, turning her attention to her computer. She starts to type in information, all the while asking, "Who's her patient?"

Soda freezes, not sure how to answer. He and I share a glance, one that clearly has no direction as far as keeping the conversation flowing. Tension and anxiety build around us as the woman glances up, skepticism in her gaze. "I can't let you see her unless she has a –"

"Ponyboy Curtis," I stammer, causing Soda to curse under his breath and Kat to stare at me wildly. "I'm her patient."

She nods and hums to herself as she clicks and types. Her mouth twists into a frown, confusion burning deep in her voice as she says, "You're not in our system."

"Shit," I hear Soda breathe.

"I was a former patient," I explain, hoping she'll take the bait. "I've been having episodes recently, so I thought it'd be good to come back."

"Are these three your family?" she gestures to Soda, Kat and Molly with a jerk of her head.

"Yes," the four of us answer simultaneously, to which the woman glares at Kat and Molly with disbelief in her gaze.

"I'm sorry," the woman starts, "but I can't –"

"Stacy?" a timid voice asks, and when I look up, Allison's blue eyes are staring right at me. "I'll see him. Don't worry about it."

"Is he really your patient?" Stacy questions. Allison nods, her eyes not moving from mine.

"He is, though it's been a while since we've last talked." She takes the opportunity to move towards me and put her hand on my shoulder, asking me to come talk with her and catch things up. She leads us away from Stacy, who simply watches us until we disappear down a corridor and are settled in a dark room at the back of the institution.

Soda, Kat and Molly pull up chairs beside me as Allison glares intently at each of us. "What the hell," she adds emphasis to the last word, "are you doing here, Ponyboy?"

Kat leans forward in her chair, folding her hands together and not even giving me the chance to speak. "We need to talk to you," she says briskly, but Allison doesn't sense it.

"I have patients to tend to," she growls, narrowing her gaze on me, "I don't have time to sit here and make small talk."

"So we won't," I say, but Soda silences me with a sharp look. _Let Kat handle this, _his eyes say.

So I do, and Kat glances at Soda thankfully as she takes reign again.

"We need your help," Kat begins, fiddling around in her pocket to bring out a wrinkled piece of paper. She unfolds it and creases it across the table, smoothing it out as best she can. She throws it in front of Allison's enraged gaze and sits back in her chair, muttering, "with that."

Allison looks to me, all of her previous anger now melted into shock. She's about to say something to me when Kat interrupts her, striking the paper down on the table and folding it up again.

"You don't dare say a word to him," she growls, and Allison complies, her bottom lip trembling in fear. "He'll find out soon enough."

"Now," Molly adds her own voice to the command, "where is that?"

"I..." Allison flinches as Kat strikes her palm down on the table, demanding an answer. "I don't know!"

"Bullshit!" Kat snarls, rising to her feet. "You do so know! You just don't want to tell us with Pony in here!" She sends a sharp glare in my direction as if telling me to get out. Figuring just leaving is better than arguing with her, I get to my feet and stumble out of the room, hearing Kat scream in fury as soon as the door clicks shut behind me.

Outside, I sink to the ground, putting my head between my knees. My hands are shaking; my body is cold, as if I'm sitting out in the middle of winter rather than in the warmth of this place. My heart is pounding in my chest, the blood running through my body being the only sound I can hear. _Calm down, calm down, _I tell myself, rocking back and forth in an attempt to steady my surroundings, _you're fine. Just calm down._

It's then that I look at the clock and see that it's _5:30 AM_. It's only an hour before sunrise, and if there's one thing I don't want to be caught in, it's the morning routine here. Someone's bound to realize that I don't go here, or that Allison isn't on her route around the institute and will surely come looking for her, only to find me and cast us all out.

I run a hand through my hair, leaning my head against my shoulder and closing my eyes. I can feel my body shutting down, my mind blurring in the absence of sleep. It comforts me and yet scares me at the same time; how quiet my mind is at this moment, and how wonderful it feels.

Just as I feel myself slip into unconsciousness, the door swings open and I lurch forward, startled. I feel a hand scoop beneath my arm and haul me to my feet, and it's only as I meet Kat's eyes that she grunts and lets me go. "Come on," she says hastily, dropping her hand and starting to make her way down the corridor, "We've got shit to fix and someone to see."

I stare after her; after Soda and after Molly, who follow her without a word to me. I faintly remember Allison brushing past me, and I, being so emotionally screwed up, grabbing her wrist and looking into her eyes.

"Thank you," I say, knowing that Kat's probably making her way back over here to fetch me, "for whatever it is you've done for us."

Her smile is all I remember as I bolt from her side and rush to catch up with the others.

* * *

For it being just a little after sunrise, the city of Tulsa is quiet.

Too quiet for my liking.

And as we step into the environment that is Tulsa State Prison, the silence only grows.

There's an eerie feeling that passes over me as Kat and Molly get us through security with ease. Using their former government agent profiles, they're able to get Soda and me into the visiting area without a problem. As we're led to the area signified on the piece of paper that Kat demanded I didn't know anything about, I can feel the glares from other inmates hitting my back the entire way there.

There's a fire that bursts into my chest at the sight of them; Two-Bit and Steve, who Soda and I were sure we left behind at the hospital. They don't see us at first, as they're talking with a pair of cops, but the moment Soda goes up and taps Steve on the shoulder, causing him to turn and immediately burst into laughter and tears, it's like we never left.

"Pone!" Two-Bit cries joyously, rushing towards me and throwing his arms around my body. "Holy shit! You're not dead!"

"That's a shame," Steve scoffs, but there's a bright light in his eyes as he bumps his fist against my shoulder in a loving way. "Glad to see you're still kicking, kid."

I nod in thanks to him and watch as Soda rejoices, a large grin on his face. That's something I haven't seen in a long time; a grin on Soda's face that wasn't forced or an emotion burning in his eyes that wasn't just to keep me going.

He actually feels at peace; he actually feels at home.

It's through the howls of happiness and the excitement whilring around us that I see it. I see a large window; a glass window, with someone inside of it. The person sits at a metal desk, with chains tightened to their wrists and their feet, restraining them in all the right ways.

The next few moments are a blur as I push through the excited atmosphere that Soda, Two-Bit and Steve have made and instead open the door to a darker, thicker side of the room. I can feel my hands shake, my body run cold as the door clicks shut and they finally realize where I've gone. They make their way towards the door, but I throw a grateful look to Kat as she steps in their way. I can faintly hear her telling them to let me do this; to let me figure this person out.

It's a man, I realize as I step into the lightened part of the room. The man, dressed in an orange jumpsuit, doesn't even bother with my presence. Anxiety wells in my chest, and I almost turn back and flee into the hallway again; back into the happier part of the room. But I know I can't; I'm in here now – I might as well ask.

"You gonna look at me?" I try and sound like a cop; my voice is too soft, though, and so the man doesn't hear it. I force myself to get taller, and with my body straightened and my eyes narrowed in on the man, I push my body forward until it's right beside the table. I allow myself to lean over it, slamming my hand down on the cold metal.

He doesn't even move.

"Look at me," I order, my voice thick with emotion, "for crying out loud: _look at me!"_

He does. I see the tint in his eyes and know; I see the anger, the pain in his eyes and _know_.

Silence throws itself into the room. It's a peaceful one; one that neither of us tries to break, for it's too kind and too pleasant to end so soon.

Then, the silence comes to a beautiful yet tragic end as I speak his name:

"I've been waiting for you, Superman."

* * *

**Thank you. **

**–Sunny**


End file.
